The last time we went to the fair was when my daughter was eight and the moment we got there was the first and only time a child of ours has slammed their finger in the car door. She swears that this is why her thumb on her right hand is slightly larger than the other. I say it is the best souvenir ever. She doesn’t quite agree. Well, we went to the fair again this summer. I told her maybe she could get a souvenir for her other hand this time and then they would be even. The kid was not amused. I’m not sure why. I am very helpful.

When we got there, they had Monster Trucks that were tearing around the dirt arena one at a time. We made it through watching one truck. They are loud. And, well, how many times can you watch a truck go over a dirt hill?

That is a serious question.

My limit is seven. For life.

Have you ever heard a pig cry? I mean really heard a pig scream? Because we had not before the trip to the fair this summer. It is the most horrifying sound we had ever heard. The pig was ginormous. In fact, in searching for this picture on my camera, I had to do a double take. In my memory, the pig had been coal black with raised tufts of fur and gleaming red eyes. I was shocked to see a plain pink pig instead. Funny how the crazy mind works.

The pig was bellowing in a way that only monsters in my dreams do. Or kids slamming their fingers in car doors, but we won’t go there.

And then after terrifying everyone in its vicinity, the pig let out a torrential flow of urine that I thought was never, ever going to stop.

It was madness.

None of us will ever be the same.

The fair. It changes a person.

So, we decided to go eat some food. As one does after watching an animal relieve itself. Doesn’t that always make you hungry? In fact, I am sure you are thrilled just to be reading this right now.

We ate.

And we ate.

And then we could not eat any more. The best thing we had were the Tasty Chips. They were, well… I think you can guess.

We had fifty ride tokens to use from our Costco package. None of us wanted to do any rides. But we persevered. The kids went into The House of Mirrors. I stayed outside. I still find it terrifying. I am not the most space oriented person, and as a child I got helplessly lost in The House Of Mirrors. Then I watched “Watcher In The Woods” and I never went in the contraption again.

But sending my innocent children into The House of Mirrors?

Priceless.

They made it out in less than three minutes. They obviously take after their father.

And we played some games and lost $30. Or rather, we paid $30 for a small stuffed zebra that I do not think has migrated himself from the jungle of my car. Poor guy.

We rode on the carousel two times and my son went down the giant slide twice. He loved it. Times sure have changed since I was a kid. We used to fly down on burlap sacks. Now the kids have these fabric bags with straps. So fancy. It still looks frightening to me.

The kids had their sculptures made. That post can be found here.

We found a gnome hidden in the bonsai trees. So, he, of course, must be included in this post. He did not cry. Nor did he create any bodily fluids, but I still like him the best.

I had to take an outfit picture with my pink $10 H&M dress against the pink ride.

It was a pink day.

Pink ride.

Pink dress.

Pink pig.

Later that day I saw a pink elephant and I was tickled…

Have you been to a fair this summer? What memories and souvenirs do you bring home? Some folks go home with large stuffed animals. Some folks go home with full bellies. As for us, we go home with longer appendages and nightmares of screaming pigs.

I think we must be doing it wrong.