Overheard In February 2014

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You would think in the short month of February I would not have overheard much. But February was a goldmine of delicious overheard conversations.

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We went and saw The Lego Movie (it is very good. My husband and son think it was one of the best movies they have ever seen) as a family. The theater was full of excited children. The following exclamations were emitted from three children in the theater. I would guess they were each around three years old. I think some of the movie went over their heads.

“Mom! You almost made us late for the movie!” As previews had just started and they were sitting down.

“He looks like a crazy elf!” A child screamed when the preview for “The Amazing Spider-man 2” came across the screen. I was not sure if the child meant Spiderman or the villian. But I wanted to shake that kid’s hand for admitting there are crazy elves among us, because we all know nothin’ is scarier than a crazy elf.

SMALL SPOILER! DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IF YOU PLAN ON SEEING THIS MOVIE:

“When is the movie going to play again?” If you have seen this movie, then you know at the end there are real people. The little kid could not understand that the people were part of the movie. I wonder if he thought it was just a long commercial… Which, let’s face it, it kind of was.

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My husband and I were eating at a new restaurant in town. We were close to the bar. I could hear the bartender speaking to some people, but I could not believe what I was hearing. When he was passing by I asked him if I had overheard him correctly. He explained that I had.

This is what I overheard:

“My stepdad moved to Alaska when he was twenty years old. He learned how to mush dogs. He bought a team and they led him to a piece of property.

He built a cabin and lived there for thirty five years.”

I was able to get some more information from him after speaking to him. It turns out the stepdad built four different cabins in the thirty five years he lived there. He made a trek into town once a year for supplies. When his pelt business took off, the little planes would fly directly to him to trade supplies so he no longer had to make the journey into town.

When I asked him how long it had taken the stepdad to build the cabin. The young man grinned.

“Four days,” he said.

“Four days!” I exclaimed.

“My stepdad always said it should never take anyone longer than four days to build a cabin.”

It took me four days just to complete this post.

I don’t think I will be moving to Alaska anytime soon.

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My husband and I were at our favorite restaurant for Valentine’s Day. As we were waiting for our table, a big boisterous man walked by us. He was the head chef for the restaurant. He threw open the kitchen doors and cheerfully exclaimed to the other chefs and waitstaff within the room:

“Hello my butterflies!

How are we doing today?”

I think he was having a good Valentine’s Day. In any case, it made me smile.

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Remember when I said I could not for the life of me resist a little girl selling girl scout cookies? Well, two weeks ago was no exception.

“Would you like to buy some cookies?” Asked a little girl of about eight years old. Her freckled little cheeks were bursting with her smile.

“Of course!” I said. I purchased two boxes for eight dollars.

I gave her a ten dollar bill.

“I’ll get her her two dollars!” She excitedly told her mother.

She turned to me and said. “I’m in third grade. I can do math.”

I smiled.

She took that as a sign she should continue,”Third grade sucks!” She exclaimed.

Her mother’s face turned red. “Honey! Don’t say that!”

I smiled and took my cookies and walked away. As I was walking, I heard the mother whispering to the little girl about not telling people that third grade sucks. I was almost out of ear shot.

“Why?! It does!” Was yelled loudly in indignation behind me.

You know what doesn’t suck? Girl Scout Cookies! Man, I wish I did not know exactly how many come in a sleeve and what sixteen minus fourteen is.

It’s still sixteen, right?

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My book club met at a restaurant a few days later. Again, we were seated near a bar. This is going to be the theme for the rest of this post. In fact, this month’s “Overheard In” should really have been titled “Overheard Near A Bar.”

A young man was getting exceedingly loud and obnoxious. I thought I overheard people wishing him a happy birthday.

I told my girlfriends it was that young man’s birthday and asked them how old they thought he was turning.

There were many answers. The general consensus was twenty-four. I thought he was much older.

So, my friend called the young man over and said, “I heard it’s your birthday. Happy birthday.”

“It’s not my birthday,” he responded.

Crap! Well, I can’t overhear right all of the time.

My friend was unfazed. “Well, if it were your birthday, how old would you be turning?”

The young man blinked and then he drawled out, “Is that some kind of ****ed up line to get me to tell you how old I am?”

Again unfazed. “Of course not. I was just curious how old you would be turning if it was your birthday.”

The young man gave his answer, “twenty five.”

The girls were right!

The young man left.

Unfortunately, he came back as he thought this was an open invitation to speak to us happily married older women who were just curious as to the age of the loudness at the bar so we would know when it came to our own children.

My friend had on a hat. He went up to her.

“I like your hat.”

“Thanks,” she replied.

He began a sad little tale, “I tried on one of those yesterday. And my friend said, ‘you can’t buy that hat!’ And I said, ‘why not?’ And he said, ’cause you’re not Irish.’ And I said, ‘But I’m a quarter Irish.’ And he said, ‘Man, you have to be one hundred percent Irish to wear that hat!’

He paused, “I should have just bought it.”

Who knew this overheard conversation would turn into a reminiscent shopping trip and regrets about not purchasing an accessory.

It’s okay bar dude, we’ve all been there.

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My family and I went to a barbecue place in town. They sat my family in the bar. It was lunchtime, so it was fine. There was no one actually at the bar. Just booths being filled.

Diagonal to us in a booth identical to our own, sat three elderly gentlemen in their mid-seventies. They were all dressed handsomely. I could hear them conversing and laughing all through the meal.

It was nice.

Their bill came and the man closest to me reached for it, but the man across from him was quicker.

“Oh, Bill, let me get that.”

“No,” Bill replied. “I’ll get it this time. Besides you’re the youngest. Let your elder treat you.”

They all chuckled at this.

Then Bill softly said, “It was just so nice to get out of the house today.”

The energy and mood of the table changed. It became very somber.

The third man said, “I’m sorry Bill.”

And they were quiet for a brief second more.

Then the youngest among them asked Bill, “How have you been holding up?”

And Bill replied, “You know, surprisingly well.

Surprisingly well.”

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We’ll move on from that elderly group to a cheerful outing of an elderly female group.

It was the same night as the night our book club met Charlie (the hatless fellow).

I looked up from my dinner towards the bar as I heard loud cheering and clapping. I thought perhaps Charlie had gotten his hat afterall. But it was not Charlie in a hat that greeted my eyes when they settled onto the scene at the bar.

At the bar, two people were passionately kissing.

One was a young man of around twenty-three.

The other, an older woman of sixty five.

The bar crowd was going nuts over their embrace.

When they finally broke from each other, a group of the older woman’s friends circled around her and together they all laughed and chatted their way out of the restaurant.

I, being the curious sort who just cannot not pry into other’s business jumped up from my table and chased the women from the restaurant.

“Excuse me,” I said to the woman whose cheeks were still flushed from her adventure at the bar.

“I have to know about that kiss!”

The woman chucked and said, “It’s my sixty fifth birthday today and that young man gave me quite a birthday present.”

I smiled with her and said, “That is so awesome! Happy Birthday!”

She replied, “Thank you! It is my friend’s birthday too and she got the same present!”

I wished her friend a happy birthday as well and I watched the happy group of elderly ladies leave the restaurant giggling like school girls and practically skipping into the night.

I think they must have had a fabulous February.

How about you? Any funny conversations overheard? Memories like the above to share?

If you missed January’s Overheard, you can find it here.

Overheard in January 2014

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January is over. It is now time to post all of the conversations I have heard this month that are interesting. This month was also unique in that I saw quite a few facial expressions that could have spoken a thousand words. Such as this one:

The man behind me at Trader Joe’s. I honestly did not notice he only had two items. If I had, I would have let him go in front of me. Always.

But I did not notice until the cashier was halfway through ringing up my items. I apologized, twice, but only got a tight lipped smile. Then, and this is the best part, as I was loading up my car, I saw him jump onto a motorbike and slip onto his head a Star Wars X-Wing Fighter helmet. I guess I was making him late for fighting The Empire.

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I was at Trader Joe’s and I was listening to the cashier behind me exclaim over the food that was in the woman in her lane’s cart.

“Oh I love this!”

“This is so good.”

“I’m eating this for lunch. Today.”

“This brand is the best!”

Then she laughed and said sweetly to the woman whose food she had been admiring, “Your palate and my palate are friends.”

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My sister banged her elbow on a table. Her son (my sweet almost three years old nephew) came over to give it a kiss to make her feel better.

When she told him thank you and that he indeed had made her feel better, he replied, “It’s all part of the job, Mom.”

So cute.

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My husband and I were at Costco. We were browsing the books. You might not know this, but, um, we don’t have enough of them.

There was an elderly couple leafing through a hardcover book next to me.

The husband said to his wife, “Let’s check. Nope. No pictures. I all ready have this book on my Kindle. There’s no point in buying the paper copy if it ain’t got no pictures.”

I never thought of it that way before. I thought it was amusing. But now I wonder, has there really ever been such a thing? A paperback copy different from the Kindle version?

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This story was told to my husband this week. Thankfully he doesn’t make it a point to hang out in men’s restrooms. The story is so good. I just have to share it:

My husband’s coworker was in the restroom at a pizza parlor with his buddy. They had finished their business and were washing their hands.

My husband’s coworker started drying his hands with one of those new Dyson hand dryers.

He commented to his buddy, “I have got to get one of these for my house!”

Just then another man also finished his business.

He walked by them towards the door, without stopping to wash his hands.

So the coworker said to his buddy, “Or I guess I could just not wash my hands.” And you can probably imagine the tone and conjecture that was used there.

The man left, but came back one minute later. I guess it took him that long to figure it out. Let’s also take a moment to notice that they are still standing there admiring the hand dryer.

The man approached my husband’s coworker and said, “Do you have a problem with me not washing my hands?”

This is where we must also pause to visualize this actually happening in a men’s restroom. And this conversation actually taking place. And we must chuckle.

Okay. Moving on.

My husband’s coworker responded, “Well, actually, yes I do have a problem with it. You just went to the bathroom and then you touched that door on your way out. Then you touched that door again on your way back in. Now I am going to have to touch that door when I leave. It’s disgusting.”

The man said, “Well, what do you want to do about it? Take this outside?”

My husband’s coworker responded, “Sure. But you’ve got to wash your hands first.”

The man got flustered and left.

I will now never not wonder if a hand washing fight is breaking out in a men’s restroom whenever I walk by one.

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I watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I know. I know. I have cut all of the rest of them out. Although, I might watch the New York version. The drama and just extreme petty nonsense gets to be much too much. But I love the New York setting.

Anyway, this week, my husband took me to a nice relaxing romantic lunch. While we were sitting, an extremely loud woman decided to take it upon herself to recount the previous episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I heard all of this from five tables away.

This will probably only amuse you if you watch the show. I condensed the conversation quite a bit.

“Oh my gosh! Did you like see the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night?”

Without waiting for a reply. In fact, there was not another person who dared to speak at that eight party table during her entire monologue.

“It was like the best episode of my whole entire life.

There is like a whole new cast this season.

Taylor is gone. She like left with a lawyer. But, like Lisa is still on and she is like fighting with Brandy.

There is a new girl, Carlton. She’s like English, too. But like she is not classy like Lisa. All she says is, ‘Bloody Hell.’ Oh, and she is like totally a witch. I know, right.

So, her and Joyce, this other like new girl. She has like really long hair and anyway she like told Carlton she didn’t believe in witchcraft.

And then Carlton went off on her.

And Brandy like held up her hand and was like, ‘Oh my gosh. Carlton just cast a spell on Joyce.’

But then like Joyce told Carlton she just like wanted to live her life in peace. And she didn’t believe in like that stuff.

So Joyce went home. And they like cut to next week’s episode and Joyce’s husband got totally sick that night! And not like real sick. But like sick sick. And like she is totally going to confront Carlton about casting a spell on her.”

This is where she like totally paused for breath and I like totally started listening to my like husband.

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At a winery, I watched a mother who had brought her two year old to the winery (and yes, there were long moments of screaming throughout the tasting room) make her two year old stand outside the doors and wave good bye to the winery.

“Say good bye to the winery.”

“NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“We’re not leaving until you say, ‘good bye’ to the winery.”

“Grbe. Enery.” Big wave while holding a giant Mickey Mouse doll.

Don’t judge.

That’s how I say good bye to wineries, too.

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Did you overhear anything good this month? Are you ready for February?

Overheard In December

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As much as you would have thought I would have gotten out in December, the truth is, I just didn’t. And when I did, well, people weren’t talking. They were scrambling. Impatiently waiting. I still managed to overhear some funny things. One of them being from my two year old (three in February) nephew on Christmas Eve when he unwrapped my gift of a big bag of lollipops I had gotten on sale during an after Halloween sale for $1. I knew my sister would not care and I knew he would be so excited.

This is what he said when he unwrapped them:

Big intake of breath. “Lollipops! Just what I always wanted!”

I aim to please. It is fun to be the aunt.

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At a local diner with just my husband and I, I heard the following conversation coming from the booth behind my husband:

“Excuse me. What were the eggs I ordered called?”

“Over easy.”

“Okay. That’s what I thought. Now, can you give me the definition of an over easy egg?”

The waitress appeared startled but quickly rattled off, “it is when the whites are firm but the inside is slightly runny when you break it open.”

“Yes. And is this how you always cook your over easy eggs? Do you think they should be dry in the middle? I just want to know for next time. So I can order an egg that is not dry.”

“Sir, I would be happy to take that plate away and bring you an egg cooked to your liking.”

Snort, “No. No. No. I can see you’re busy. I just wanted to know for next time.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” And then the minute the waitress had passed, “You would think for $3, I could get an egg that didn’t taste like toast.”

With no reaction from his wife, he continued. “Seriously. It’s that dry.”

Still no reaction.

“Aw, well, next time, we’ll go to IHOP.”

This is when I turned my listening ears off. I suspect…And this is only a suspicion, his wife all ready had five minutes before.

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I heard a wonderful story from a woman at a place I shall not name. My son had just gotten his braces off and she was commenting on his teeth.

She asked him if he wanted to eat an apple. He shyly responded, “no, thank you.” He had eaten a giant breakfast with us earlier in celebration of getting his braces off (funny story to come).

She told him, “the day I got my braces taken off, I walked to my car, and there waiting for me was the sweetest boy holding the shiniest, biggest red apple in his hand.”

Her eyes twinkled and she continued, “he was so sweet. He ended up being the man I married.”

She added, “I knew him for a long time, of course.”

This is where the smart ass that I am added, “Oh, good. He wasn’t just stalking girls in the parking lot at the orthodontist office getting their braces off and luring them with apples.”

Another woman laughed at my “wit.”

She said, “That would be a great way to pick up girls! Just wait at the orthodontist for their braces to come off.”

We both chuckled as we pictured young men stalking shining smiles with gleaming red apples.

Not to diminish the lovely romantic story, I truly did enjoy hearing it. And you could tell that even after all these years, she was still madly in love. Maybe an apple a day keeps…the attorney away? ; )

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My friend overheard the following conversation at the discount store. It took place between a mother and her four year old son (who had a darling slight speech impediment).

“What’s your name, honey?”

Silence.

More urgency.

“Honey! What’s your name?”

The little boy turned to his mother in mortification: “Seiously, Mom? You mean, you fogot my name?”

The mom said aghast, “Johnny! That little girl was asking you your name.” She pointed to a cute little girl a few feet away. “I just wanted you to tell her.”

My friend had a good chuckle over this and so did I. Kids do say the funniest things.

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A teenage daughter to her dad at a doctor’s office:

“Dad, that’s not fair.”

The dad responded:

“It’s not supposed to be fair

Do you know what’s at the fair?

Caramel corn and apple pies

And if you are lucky credible rides.”

Yes, credible rides. I wondered if the dad knew he had sort of made an awesome rhyme. I felt sorry for the girl. That dad was so scary intelligent, she would never get away with anything.

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We were at the local diner having breakfast (this seems to be a theme) and I overheard the following conversation behind me between a woman in her seventies and a man in his fifties:

“Do you think we should get Gene some shoes for Christmas?”

(Keep in mind, I overheard this on the 27th… Of December).

“I don’t know.

What kind would we get?”

I was thinking of some tennis shoes.”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds good.”

Pause.

“Just make sure they don’t have velcro.”

“Oh, I know! Gene sure has some velcro issues.”

Velcro issues? Best diagnosis ever. I wish I knew what this was! I am intrigued.

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Did you overhear anything good in December? What are your plans for tonight? We always stay home and celebrate in our pajamas. Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper anyone?

Can’t wait!

Everybody stay smart and safe out there!

Overheard In November

I overheard some nice and funny things this month. One of the conversations I overheard was quite shocking and I could not bring myself to include it. I wanted a happy post.

Let’s hope December brings pleasant conversations and memories! Enjoy the last day we have in this month that went by much too quickly.

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“Dude. That girl was totally jockin’ on you.”

The young man of nineteen bashfully ducked his head as he sat down with his tray of food next to his two friends.

But they weren’t done razzing him.

“And she wasn’t half bad. What are you going to do about it?”

The young man ignored the hard pressing questions and dug into his food. Head down. His friends grinned and joined him in their feast.

I look around for the “not half bad” girl who was “jockin'” this young man. I couldn’t find her. A pit settled in my stomach and I hoped it wasn’t me. ; )

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As we entered Michaels, there was a homeless man begging next to the entrance. He was slumped over. I had seen him around town. This was my first time seeing him up close. Before I got up to him, he asked a woman in front of me for money.

She responded to his request with the following reply. “How about I go buy you some food next door instead?”

He smirked at her and said, “It depends. What kind of food?”

We entered the store at this point, so I could not hear her reply.

When we exited the store ten minutes later, she was still standing next to the man engaged in a conversation. He appeared agitated and had placed one cigarette behind his ear and had one cigarette in his hand as he motioned with it in response to what she was saying to him.

As we were loading our car, the lady walked by me. Her car was two cars away. She had a peaceful smile on her face. I wanted so badly to ask what had happened. But I didn’t. I decided maybe I did not want to know.

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This was overheard in my husband’s car. There is a saying going around with the youth that basically ends with…”my mom.” Mothers everywhere are cringing. This is a recent conversation:

“You know who is a booger?… My mom.”

The sweetest teenage girl replied to my daughter, “If your mom was a booger, she would be a beautiful booger.”

Awwww. Best. Compliment. Ever.

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At Disneyland, on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride:

“Thomas, do you see that pirate treasure?”

“Yes.”

“Thomas, which piece of the pirate treasure do you want? I’m going to steal the pearls,” says the mother of Thomas behind me.

Thomas, the three year old, deadpanned, “I don’t want any of the treasure. It’s not real.”

“Ooooh. Thomas. You’re smarter than me.”

“I know.”

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I was at the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving and I was pushing my cart back to the cart aisle in the parking lot. There was an old lady driving in front of me.

A woman in wild leopard pants jumped out in front of her and began gesturing for the lady to follow her. She led her to a front row parking spot.

The action made my heart happy. As the elderly woman was finishing parking, the woman turned to me and said, “Sometimes you just have to give them a little extra help.”

I smiled.

The old woman got out of her car and told the other lady, “Thank you!”

The lady in the leopard pants responded, “No problem. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!”

The woman replied, “You have a Happy Thanksgiving, too.”

And the exchange made me smile all of the way home.

Have you heard anything funny or nice lately?