January is over. It is now time to post all of the conversations I have heard this month that are interesting. This month was also unique in that I saw quite a few facial expressions that could have spoken a thousand words. Such as this one:
The man behind me at Trader Joe’s. I honestly did not notice he only had two items. If I had, I would have let him go in front of me. Always.
But I did not notice until the cashier was halfway through ringing up my items. I apologized, twice, but only got a tight lipped smile. Then, and this is the best part, as I was loading up my car, I saw him jump onto a motorbike and slip onto his head a Star Wars X-Wing Fighter helmet. I guess I was making him late for fighting The Empire.
I was at Trader Joe’s and I was listening to the cashier behind me exclaim over the food that was in the woman in her lane’s cart.
“Oh I love this!”
“This is so good.”
“I’m eating this for lunch. Today.”
“This brand is the best!”
Then she laughed and said sweetly to the woman whose food she had been admiring, “Your palate and my palate are friends.”
My sister banged her elbow on a table. Her son (my sweet almost three years old nephew) came over to give it a kiss to make her feel better.
When she told him thank you and that he indeed had made her feel better, he replied, “It’s all part of the job, Mom.”
My husband and I were at Costco. We were browsing the books. You might not know this, but, um, we don’t have enough of them.
There was an elderly couple leafing through a hardcover book next to me.
The husband said to his wife, “Let’s check. Nope. No pictures. I all ready have this book on my Kindle. There’s no point in buying the paper copy if it ain’t got no pictures.”
I never thought of it that way before. I thought it was amusing. But now I wonder, has there really ever been such a thing? A paperback copy different from the Kindle version?
This story was told to my husband this week. Thankfully he doesn’t make it a point to hang out in men’s restrooms. The story is so good. I just have to share it:
My husband’s coworker was in the restroom at a pizza parlor with his buddy. They had finished their business and were washing their hands.
My husband’s coworker started drying his hands with one of those new Dyson hand dryers.
He commented to his buddy, “I have got to get one of these for my house!”
Just then another man also finished his business.
He walked by them towards the door, without stopping to wash his hands.
So the coworker said to his buddy, “Or I guess I could just not wash my hands.” And you can probably imagine the tone and conjecture that was used there.
The man left, but came back one minute later. I guess it took him that long to figure it out. Let’s also take a moment to notice that they are still standing there admiring the hand dryer.
The man approached my husband’s coworker and said, “Do you have a problem with me not washing my hands?”
This is where we must also pause to visualize this actually happening in a men’s restroom. And this conversation actually taking place. And we must chuckle.
Okay. Moving on.
My husband’s coworker responded, “Well, actually, yes I do have a problem with it. You just went to the bathroom and then you touched that door on your way out. Then you touched that door again on your way back in. Now I am going to have to touch that door when I leave. It’s disgusting.”
The man said, “Well, what do you want to do about it? Take this outside?”
My husband’s coworker responded, “Sure. But you’ve got to wash your hands first.”
The man got flustered and left.
I will now never not wonder if a hand washing fight is breaking out in a men’s restroom whenever I walk by one.
I watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I know. I know. I have cut all of the rest of them out. Although, I might watch the New York version. The drama and just extreme petty nonsense gets to be much too much. But I love the New York setting.
Anyway, this week, my husband took me to a nice relaxing romantic lunch. While we were sitting, an extremely loud woman decided to take it upon herself to recount the previous episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I heard all of this from five tables away.
This will probably only amuse you if you watch the show. I condensed the conversation quite a bit.
“Oh my gosh! Did you like see the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night?”
Without waiting for a reply. In fact, there was not another person who dared to speak at that eight party table during her entire monologue.
“It was like the best episode of my whole entire life.
There is like a whole new cast this season.
Taylor is gone. She like left with a lawyer. But, like Lisa is still on and she is like fighting with Brandy.
There is a new girl, Carlton. She’s like English, too. But like she is not classy like Lisa. All she says is, ‘Bloody Hell.’ Oh, and she is like totally a witch. I know, right.
So, her and Joyce, this other like new girl. She has like really long hair and anyway she like told Carlton she didn’t believe in witchcraft.
And then Carlton went off on her.
And Brandy like held up her hand and was like, ‘Oh my gosh. Carlton just cast a spell on Joyce.’
But then like Joyce told Carlton she just like wanted to live her life in peace. And she didn’t believe in like that stuff.
So Joyce went home. And they like cut to next week’s episode and Joyce’s husband got totally sick that night! And not like real sick. But like sick sick. And like she is totally going to confront Carlton about casting a spell on her.”
This is where she like totally paused for breath and I like totally started listening to my like husband.
At a winery, I watched a mother who had brought her two year old to the winery (and yes, there were long moments of screaming throughout the tasting room) make her two year old stand outside the doors and wave good bye to the winery.
“Say good bye to the winery.”
“We’re not leaving until you say, ‘good bye’ to the winery.”
“Grbe. Enery.” Big wave while holding a giant Mickey Mouse doll.
That’s how I say good bye to wineries, too.
Did you overhear anything good this month? Are you ready for February?