Overheard In October

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Wow! October is over?! This is my regular feature at the end of the month, but it got pushed back a day for Thursday’s “It’s The Little Things.” I hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

Well, I overheard so many things this month. I could not include most of them. I think the closer we get to the holidays, the crazier people become. Just last night, I overheard something that made me simultaneously blush, feel like a prude, and have to have a conversation about respecting oneself and what text messaging should be used for with my children (after they overheard, too). But let’s leave that behind and listen in on some funny conversations this month, instead:

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I realize this is a conversation I had, but it was too cute not to share. And it made me smile:

My two year old nephew came over to visit. He had a bag of gold fish. This is like crack to my dog. I warned him that Murphy was going to try to steal them.

He looked thoughtful and then he said, “Okay. I’ll keep them safe… In my mouth.”

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I was leaving Nordstrom rack, and right outside the sliding doors, a man was standing there. For some reason he had his phone on speaker. I do not know why he thought this was a good idea.

Screeching from the phone was a woman’s voice. “You’re a bachelor! You live alone! You work from home! Tell me why you can’t do this?”

The man replied, “No. No. No. It’s not a problem. I can do it.”

Then he paced back and forth waiting for the next bite to come.

I wandered to my car and wondered what it was that he was going to do that would require those three conditions. I had many ideas. Do you?

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At the park, a cute chubby little boy of about five years old:

“Grandma! Grandma! Watch me!

I’m sorry I’m growing too much. I can reach the roof of this.

Look! I’m not even standing on my piggy toes!”

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I went in to grab a bottle of water at the gas station. I was wearing my Anthropologie Toadstool blouse. The employee looked at me.

He said in a daze, “That is the coolest shirt. I really like it.”

I smiled and said, “Thank you! I collect gnomes. I had to have it.”

He smiled in return and said, ” OOOHHHH. I was going in the other direction with that.”

I knew what he meant and laughed and said, “yea, well, I guess it could mean that too.”

He looked lost in a moment as if remembering the last time he had partook of my “magical” shirt of memories. Then he said, “Just don’t wear that shirt in Oregon!”

I smiled and walked away. So what do you think he meant by that? My husband is from Oregon and he has no clue.

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We were at a play at a farm. It was almost ten o’clock on a very long night. I rounded the corner outside. I knew what I would see. There had been the same man lounging in a chair drinking beer all night.

Well, I did find him. But he had visitors. Standing over him was a mother and her little boy of about four years old. I took a guess that they were old family friends.

I heard the man say to the little boy, “Do you know who I am?”

The little boy did not pause with his answer. I (and the mother) did not pause in our sharp intake of breath at his reply.

“Yes.” He said quite loudly and very clearly. “You’re a loser.”

The mother quickly bent down and admonished her child.

I took that as my key to leave. It was a long night… For everyone.

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Have you heard anything good this month? Please share!

Overheard In September

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I am continuing with my monthly feature, “Overheard in…” It is the tidbits of conversations I “happen” to overhear each month, written down in one place. I only publish the nice ones. If you missed last month’s, here it is. Let’s snoop into September:

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We were at Disneyland on The Pirates of the Caribbean ride. There was a row of four little girls behind us ranging in ages of what appeared to be 5-8. Besides pulling our hair, it was cute. If you are not familiar with the ride: As the ride nears the end, your boat travels under broken bits of wood. There is even a chair hanging. This is what I heard two of the little girls say behind me:

“Is that a chair up there?”

“Shhhh. Yes.”

“What’s a chair doing up there?”

“It’s how this place was built. With chairs.”

It was quiet for a moment as they stared at the broken creation above their heads.

This made all of the hair pulling worth it. I missed snapping a picture of “the” chair. However, I did get a picture of the broken pieces of wood overhead. It made me smile to myself imagining these little girls thinking of rickety rides made from broken chairs. And also, thankful that is not truly the case!

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I was at the nail salon and it was packed. Two older women were waiting to get their nails done together.

The owner was ready for them to go to the chairs and they walked over to me.

Then he seated the two sweet elderly women next to me and told them, “Here you go. Seats right next to each other. Now you can hold hands and sing the same song.”

Now, whenever I go out with my girlfriends, I secretly think of this phrase and laugh to myself.

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At a winery, two middle aged men were standing next to us trying to muddle through a conversation.

One turned to the other and said, “I love the decor in here.”

It was all wood. Stuffy. 1980s lodge feeling.

The other one said, “Me too…But…Wait is that a stuffed cat?”

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Our bug man (exterminator) came around the corner and stopped when he saw us. He paused sheepishly.

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “I hope you did not hear me cursing over there. I saw two alligator lizards on the side of your house. Those things are scary.”

This did not give me faith in my exterminator. My husband said, “Yes, but they eat the bugs.”

The exterminator responded, “They’ll eat ANYTHING!”

I went into the house chuckling. These are the times when growing up in the country pays off.

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We were at a wedding and two young men (in their twenties) were having an interesting conversation regarding the timing of the wedding:

“I can’t believe they are starting the wedding at 6:00,” one young man said.

“Why?” Asked the other young man.

“You should never get married on the hour, because the only direction for the marriage to go is down. A wedding should always start on the half hour, so the hand is moving upward.”

They pondered this for a moment.

“Well,” started the second young man, “I guess she could be late.”

Hmmm. I had never heard of this before. Have you? I honestly cannot remember what time my wedding started. I should have consulted the first gentleman prior to the day (of course, he would have been about ten years old, so who knows what help he would have been)!

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And one last small one. I was at the post office waiting in line to send back two returns and the music got very loud. Who even knew the post office had music? This is what was playing at our local post office:

“Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-Alot.

Yup.

There was a local police officer talking to a postal worker when the song came on.

The police officer looked at the postman and said, “Interesting choice of music you’re playing here.”

His comment was ignored. But not by me. I smiled…And tapped my foot to the beat.

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Have you heard any funny or nice conversations lately? I would love to “hear” them!

Overheard In August

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I know many blogs do a recap at the end of the month about their favorite posts or memories from that month. But I get bored rather quickly. I thought about doing the recap thing. It would be a great, incredibly easy extra post. Only, I cannot choose. And I did not want to copycat.

I thought of something I enjoy more. Eavesdropping. It is a terrible, delectable habit. No calories. Just some bloating of your soul. So, I am going to share my favorite overheard moments at the end of every month. Because the best conversations are always the ones we are not a part of. For the first time, I introduce, a new monthly post, “Overheard in…”:

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We were at a local diner eating breakfast. There was a large gruff old man sitting by himself at the next table. His figure spoke of masculinity. The waitress approached him and the following conversation commenced:

“”James*, your meal comes with a drink. Pick out a drink and I’ll bring it to you.”

“No, that’s okay.”

“But James, it’s free. Just pick one out. Do you want some orange juice?”

“No, that’s okay.”

“James.” Exasperated.

Mumbled.

“What’s that James?”

“I guess I’ll take a milk.”

Pause.

“A chocolate milk.”

Aw. The large gentleman ordered a chocolate milk and melted my heart.

*I changed his name for privacy reasons. People should be allowed to order their chocolate milk in peace.

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I was shopping at Nordstrom Rack. There was a five year old little boy, his mother and his two year old little sister in one of the aisles. This is what I heard the little boy say to his mom:

“Mom, imagine if you went to my school.

And imagine that you were my friend.

And imagine you were wearing this dress.

What would that look like?”

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At the hair salon:

A man says to his hair stylist, “I don’t want a haircut that my wife sees and says, ‘Honey, that’s a nice haircut.'”

He paused for dramatic effect here.

“I want you to give me a haircut that makes my wife make out with me.”

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At Costco in the food court (the very best place to eavesdrop and people watch ), there was a family of three. One member of the family being a little girl of two.

There was a bird in the food court and of course the little girl was fascinated with it. She began chasing it around her table. The mother encouraged her. The father did not.

He said, “Be careful! The bird is fast.”

The little girl continued to chase the bird.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “When those birds came at us…That was the worst thing I have ever experienced. In my life.”

They packed up after that. But I noticed the man peering into the bushes where the bird had hidden as he cautiously walked away.

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And that concludes my eavesdropping for the month. Have you heard any good (but still nice) conversations lately?