pudding |

This green pie is perfect for Saint Patrick’s Day. Or any other day without a saint in it. And you just want to have a creamy green pie.

As you are wont to do.

But here is where I lose you. I don’t really like nuts. I will eat peanuts. Plain. Salted. By themselves. But I do not want or like them in any of my food. I do not like the unexpected crunch and/or texture. Well, besides a Snickers bar. But Snickers is a perfection above all mundane rules.

If you are a child, like myself, keep reading for a sweet dessert using easy ingredients…

I love pistachio ice cream. And gelato. Or at least I thought I did, except my heart would sob whenever I tried a new brand of pistachio ice cream. I would lift the lid. And see… Beige?! No. No. No. I want the artificial green stuff, please. You can keep your organic, all na-tur-aaaal. Give me dye. Give me sugar.

Give me fake.

I discovered Jello’s Pistachio Instant Pudding the other day ( um, Wha..?!). Upon immediately dumping four boxes into my cart, I stood in the aisle-of-all-that-makes-life-worth-living, contemplating how many more I needed to hoard for my new collection. What if they stop making this? I just discovered it. What if because I hadn’t been purchasing it, they think nobody wants it? How could I go on? But my husband interrupted my panic by asking, “Don’t you think that’s enough?”

“Oh. For tonight? Yea, that should be plenty.” I rushed home and read the back of the package.

“Pistachio Pudding Pie.”

Let me repeat.

“Pistachio Pudding Pie.”

The most perfect three words I had ever read.

I read the list of ingredients as quickly as I could. And, miracle of miracles, I had them all.

Ingredients:

3.4 oz. package Jello Pistachio Instant Pudding
premade graham cracker crust
1 and 3/4 cup whole milk
8 oz. tub of cool whip (or similar nondairy whipped cream)

First, I strained all of the disgusting bits from the pudding. AKA nuts.

I did this three times, because I wanted my pudding as smooth as possible.

I made the pudding according to the directions on the package. Essentially it is as easy as beating the milk and pudding mix for two minutes.

I slopped it into a pre-made graham cracker pie shell.

I put it in the refrigerator and patiently waited three hours for it to set.

Huh? What? Who are we kidding? Remember, we have all ready tested my patience for food before during my chocolate pie experience. It allows for thirteen minutes. At thirteen minutes I frantically grabbed a spoon from the drawer. And I skimmed the side of the pie with it. And my thighs wept. No, wait, that sounds gross. And my soul sang. And my thighs secretly rippled with excitement. Or they just rippled, ’cause that is their way…maybe pie is an ~~excellent~~ not such a good idea afterall.

Then I topped it with cool whip, covered it and reluctantly placed it back into the refrigerator.

I made this again a few weeks ago and doubled the amount of pistaccio pudding. I could do this, because I finally had hoarded enough pudding to the point I felt safe using some. I did this slowly over time, when my husband wasn’t with me and have packed the boxes into our pantry hidden from any pantry raiders that might come (or my husband who might commit me). In fact, I am rich in the stuff. So, I was all, two packages? Make it rain. Only instead of making it rain green paper, I let green powder rain into a bowl. I am frivolous like that. But I really liked the doubled recipe. If you are feeling super fancy when you make this, I would double the pudding packages. If you do this, you need to increase your milk to 2 and 3/4 cups. And follow the recipe above.

Have you made this? Do you like artificial green pistachio products or the real pistachio products? There’s no judgement here. I’m just sayin’ if you want some boxes, I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a girl who can get you some. I heard that some crazy lady is buying them all, so they might be running out.

But that’s just a rumor.

I’m sure.

P.S. I shared this on Savvy Southern Style.

And My Romantic Home.

I am a pie girl. I love it. I like how pretty it looks when it comes out of the oven. The smell of it cooking. This is my first sweet pie I have posted. I have done three savory pies: chicken pot pie, tuna pie, and sloppy joe pie. I kind of want to eat them all. Right now. Yum!

Speaking of which: I made a tuna pie tonight. Excuse my diversion, but isn’t she perty?

Oh! And for dessert, I made a pistachio pudding pie. So, when I do not fit into any of my clothes next week, please just whisper one torturous word into my ear: “pie.”

Notice: “pie” rhymes with “thigh.” Coincidence?

I think not.

Excuse me while I “cry.”

Anyhoo, we’re talking about chocolate pie. Here it is: the chocolate pie I grew up with. The one that no other chocolate pie has ever stood up to. I had stopped making this pie for many years. It made me sad to make it. It was my uncle’s favorite thing at the holiday meal. I remember how excited he would be about it. He passed away a few years ago and I just could not bring myself to make or eat this pie. But a few months ago, The Pioneer Woman made a very similar pie. And it made me want to make my family’s pie again. I wanted a new generation to enjoy it. My uncle would have been happy about it.

There was only one problem. I could not find the recipe. Surprise!

I called my sister for it. “We just use your recipe,” she said. I assured her she was incorrect. I’ve always used our mom’s recipe.

I called my mom. She replied with, “Sweetie, we use your recipe.”

At this point, I was feeling more than slightly crazy (well, more than usual).

“Mom, I use your recipe.”

“No, honey. Remember when you changed it with Egg Beaters?”

Awwww. Now it made sense. Years ago, I had changed my mother’s recipe to use Egg Beaters instead of raw eggs and now it was “my recipe.”

I happily got “my recipe” from her.

I made it for Thanksgiving. It was a huge hit. I went home. The next day I made another pie for our family. This is because a day without pie for lunch is no day you want to be a part of. Again for lunch, not with lunch. Big difference.

Ingredients:

1 cube (8 Tbsp.) softened salted butter
2/3 cup Egg Beaters or you could use 3 pasteurized eggs
1/4 cup chocolate chips
2 squares or 1 oz. unsweetened chocolate (4 small rectangles if it comes like that.)
3/4 cup of sugar
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 pie shell (I use Pillsbury. My mom always made her own. But this is my recipe, so we take shortcuts.)

Optional:

Whipped cream for topping individual slices

Preheat oven to 425 degrees or 400 degrees convect bake.

In a pie dish, lay your pie crust. Crimp the edges. Pierce the bottom and sides several times with a fork. If you are scared of shrinkage (mine always shrinks a little, but it doesn’t bother me), you can line your pie sheet with foil and beans or marbles to weigh it down. I never do this. But you could if you are not as lazy as me. It does not affect the taste one bit.

Bake for twelve minutes.

Remove the pie pan from the oven. Turn off the oven. Let pie shell cool completely (I usually wait one hour before moving on to the next step). If you added marbles or beans with foil, now would be the time to remove all of that (after it is cooled). This might seem obvious, but I am a maker of a chocolate pie recipe I did not know was mine. Therefore, I have lost my marbles. I do not want you to eat yours.

Melt chocolate chips and unsweetened chocolate in a small bowl in the microwave for thirty second intervals. Stir. Keep repeating until chocolate is completely melted.

In a mixer or with a hand mixer (be warned if you are using this method, you will be mixing for 17 minutes. I guess you could think of it as working off chocolate pie calories), mix together sugar and butter for one minute. Add Egg Beaters and beat on medium high speed for three minutes.

Turn mixer to low and very slowly start drizzling in the melted chocolate. After all of the chocolate is incorporated, scrape sides, and turn mixer to high. Mix for 10-15 minutes. I usually do thirteen minutes. This is the extent of my patience. I can not wait longer than thirteen minutes for anything.

It’s called being a grown up.

Pour the chocolate ~~heaven~~ mixture into the pie shell. Carefully cover pie without touching the covering to the filling (if this happens, you will have to explain to the surgeon why your stomach is full of foil. Nobody got time for that). Refrigerate until ready to serve. This needs to refrigerate at least three hours before serving.

Lunch is ready! Enjoy!

* Update: Lovely Lisa just asked me about whipped cream. You can absolutely top your slices with that airy heaven. Most of my family does! Thanks Lisa! : )

Gnome Lover

Stumbling through life while still having fun

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