Hulk |

Lasagna.

My mother makes the best lasagna in the world. Happy Birthday Mom! I love you! I ask for it for my own birthday. This is not her recipe. But I still think it is really good. I have made lasagna for years. In fact, it was the first “complicated” meal I ever attempted.

It’s is one of those dishes that looks hard to make, but is incredibly easy to execute. I find it calming to make the layers. I also feel like a superhero when I view the final completed project. And who doesn’t want to feel like a superhero? Well, unless it is The Hulk. Nobody wants to feel like The Hulk. Unless you are a ten year old boy. Or me, apparently from all of the posts I have done on it. But even then, you gotta admit the name leaves much to be desired.

Remember my new favorite spaghetti recipe that uses coffee grounds and is made in the crockpot? Well, I usually have three quarts of sauce left after the first dinner that I separate into three individual quart containers and freeze for use at a later date. I have friends with three sons. Actually, when I think about it, I have a lot of friends with three sons. I have heard that with that many boys they do not get as many leftovers as I do with a recipe. In fact, the exact words were, “What are leftovers?” I think with the crockpot spaghetti recipe, they would probably only have one to two quarts left after the initial dinner. There should still be enough to freeze at least one additional meal, so if you have a larger family, do not be discouraged. Make it. Save the rest. Then make a giant lasagna that will appease all. Even three growing boys.

The other day I took one quart out of the freezer. This is completely off topic, but make sure you defrost any sauces appropriately before you reheat them. I thought it would be a great idea to just throw the frozen sauce into a pan and bring it to heat. The sauce broke up into nuclear hot parts and frozen chunks. It splattered out and hit my arm where it made a small hole. I eventually had to see a doctor for it. I will definitely have a scar from it, so please be careful in reheating.

So, I defrosted the sauce first and then reheated the sauce and added an additional jar of pasta sauce to make it stretch further.

Then I just layered it into a lasagna. It was so good.

Okay. Finally. On to the recipe:

Ingredients:

1 quart of prepared spaghetti sauce (I use this recipe, but you could use your favorite)
1 jar of your favorite pasta sauce
One package of lasagna noodles (you can use no-boil ones or the fresh ones above. I highly recommend the fresh ones above, found in the refrigerated section of the grocery store near the ricotta. Do not use regular lasagna noodles unless you boil them first. I have attempted to use them without boiling. They are not as good. They are about one minute before al dente tasting)
2 cups grated mozarella cheese
1 cup grated parmesan cheese
15-16 oz. of ricotta cheese

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Yell, “You’re making me hungry! You won’t like me when I’m hungry!” If your family stares at you during this time, stare back, unwavering in your lasagna conviction.

Defrost spaghetti sauce for two-three hours and then reheat in a large pot over low heat with additional jar of pasta sauce until hot. Turn off heat.

Take a 9 X 13 pan and ladle in some spaghetti sauce into the bottom of the pan until the bottom is just coated. About 2/3 cup.

Take lasagna noodles and lay on top of sauce. This is two of the fresh ones above.

Take half of your ricotta and smear over lasagna noodles. Ladle one third of your sauce over the top, sprinkle one cup of mozzarella cheese. Place noodles over cheese. Spread the remaining ricotta over the noodles. Ladle one third of your sauce over the top. Sprinkle one cup of mozzarella. Lay noodles over cheese. Ladle the remaining sauce over noodles. Sprinkle one cup of Parmesan cheese over the top.

Cover with foil and bake for thirty minutes. After thirty minutes, uncover and bake for an additional fifteen minutes.

Remove from oven and let rest for five to ten minutes.

And serve.

Hulk Hands ~~not~~ optional.

My son was required to do a school project last year, the week before spring break. He had to choose a product to advertise.

It was my child’s last year at this elementary school.

I had some unfinished business to take care of.

And so, you guessed it, I we chose Hulk Hands (if you have not read that story yet, you might want to. It kind of explains the strangeness that takes over here).

But not the old angry Hulk Hands. These were new and improved. They did not say, “You’re making me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry.” Well, unless I put them on while thinking about the next assignment I got to “supervise.”

Here is the unedited commercial. This is the one I wrote. The one my son wrote was obviously more politically correct:

Do you love superheros? Do you want to be a superhero? Okay. That sounds crazy. You do know you can’t really be a superhero, right?

But what about dressing like a superhero?

You could put on a cape, but we’ve all seen how that turns out by watching “The Incredibles.”

You could put on a scary mask, but, well, that’s just scary. And, well, also a little creepy.

Don’t do that.

What if it was something easy to slip on?

What if that something could also help you do your chores?

Or make a birthday party more exciting?

Well, now you ~~can~~ can’t!

First of all, Hulk Hands are easy to slip on and off. And put on. And take off. And put on. And take off. And put on. And take off. And put on. And take off. And put on. And take off.

Is three minutes up yet?

No?

Okay.

And put on. And take off. And put on. And take off. And put on….

your feet.

Ha! Ha!

Just kiddin’ you. Where do you think Hulk Hands go?

On your head?

Wow! Right again!

Just kidding.

I hope you know where to put Hulk Hands. I am not going explain where to put Hulk Hands. If you do not know this, you do not need to buy Hulk Hands. You need to buy a book. And quite possibly seek out a medical professional, because your head must be an insanely odd shape. Such as that of a fist.

You will also look strong while wearing Hulk Hands. Or at least your hands will. Actually, that is not true. You will still have a tiny ten year old body and giant green bulging veiny hands. Good luck with that!

Do you have chores? Do they involve slamming cabinets, slamming doors, slamming the garbage bin? Well, good. Because those are the only chores Hulk Hands will help you with.

You can’t do dishes in them.

You can’t make your bed while wearing them.

You can’t take out the garbage.

But if you put these on, you have a great excuse as to why you cannot do your chores to tell your parents.

“But Mom! My Hulk Hands are on. They’re stuck! (No need to tell them about how easy they are to get on and off).”

You will definitely get out of your chores.

Okay. You will definitely not get out of your chores.

But you will look funny trying to do them with your Hulk Hands on.

Hulk Hands can make a birthday party more exciting. For your next piñata smashing event, just use Hulk Hands! No need for a baseball bat or a stick, Hulk Hands will do the trick.

You should especially do this if there is a certified social worker there, you should definitely destroy the Spiderman piñata in front of him. Tear it limb to limb. This will not have him telling your mom that maybe she should expect a call from the school. You should also grin at him while carrying Spiderman’s arm while he is saying this. Trust me, he won’t be scared at all.

Just do not eat birthday cake while wearing them. Unless you like eating birthday cake like a dog. Actually this might work out in your favor. If you were a dog, you would have seven birthdays a year. And seven pinatas to destroy. This would make Hulk Hands much more useful. And this paragraph that much longer.

I love my Hulk Hands! I got mine at Target. You can get yours there, too. Even little kids like them. My three year old cousin has a set. But my mom wants a pair now, too.

This was what his school project looked like. I know what you’re thinking. Did you really send your kid to school with his project in a garbage bag (I think you must have forgotten my son’s mission project featuring Yoda)?

The answer to that is complicated.

Yes and no.

You see, his project was in the garbage bag and his project was the garbage bag.

Make sense?

No?

Well, allow me to demonstrate:

Yes. I really did just do that. In case my gif is not clear, I am demonstrating trying to take out the trash whilst wearing Hulk Hands. I have obviously missed my calling as both an actor, director, and, well, let’s face it, pretty bad a** super hero.

You’re welcome.

My son ended up getting a “B-” on his report. We were happy with that. He still pulled straight A’s for the year, despite his mother. Thankfully my elementary school days are behind me. Any project he does now will have to be done with little help. Hopefully he does well. However, it has to be better than a black garbage bag right? In the altered words of our inspiration in regards to school projects at home:

“They make me angry. They won’t like me when I’m angry.”

Gnome Lover

Stumbling through life while still having fun

Hulk

Easy Lasagna

Hulk Hands Part II