Date Night: Silver Linings

Last night (Saturday), my husband and I embarked on a trip to celebrate his birthday. We went to a play at The Pantages Theater and out to dinner. Unfortunately, both the dinner and the play were really awful. I am not going to dwell on that, though. I just wanted to show the good from our night out. Because even a bad night has some good in it.

20140209-005853.jpg

I saw this building and thought it looked like a giant robot trying to tell us something. I think I know now what he was trying to say.

20140209-005922.jpg

The pattern on my Anthropologie Lace Study Dress looked just like the pattern in the sky.

20140209-005950.jpg

Los Angeles at night.

20140209-012059.jpg

The restaurant had Kung Fu Girl wine!!! I am not kidding! That made me smile.

20140209-010149.jpg

Me, oblivious to the meal awaiting me.

20140209-010050.jpg

Please. Please do not put blueberry compote in your creme brûlée. It is not as good as it sounds.

20140209-012153.jpg

Me in front of The Pantages.

20140209-012550.jpg

My son just downloaded a texting app on his Kindle. We don’t let our children get cell phones until they turn thirteen. Texting him was the highlight of my evening. He kept cracking me up and making me smile with his sweet notes. I am sure you are happy I am not sharing the elaborate description of Ollie farting that he sent me.

20140209-010329.jpg

20140209-010355.jpg

The gorgeous Pantages Theater.

20140209-010302.jpg

My best bite of the night.

Have you gone on a date night recently? Where did you go?

20140209-010537.jpg

P.S. I am writing this at 1:00 on Sunday morning. It is my husband’s actual birthday today and I want to work hard to make sure it is better than last night. If I do not respond to comments from yesterday and today’s posts today, I promise to do so Monday during my giveaway. Thank you so much!

Have a beautiful silver-lining day!

How To Deflect A Curse

20131216-212148.jpg

It was a typical Monday morning. My husband and I were lounging in bed. Kelly and Michael were chatting it up on the t.v. My coffee was all ready growing cold.

The phone rang.

I answered it.

And I heard the dreaded silence. Which I should know by now is the stalking silence of the telemarketer. But for some odd reason, I did not hang up.

And I heard a male voice. It mispronounced my name.

It made my heart drop.

I listened to the speech.

And then I kindly asked him to remove my name from his calling list.

This usually works. Legally they have to do it.

Most of the time, the phone is just hung up on their end. Sometimes there will be a huffy, “good bye.” Other times a more polite one.

I started hearing whispering from his side of the phone.

I waited.

I could not understand what I was hearing.

But then it registered.

In a rhythmic chant, the man was chanting quickly at me over and over again into the phone. I could not understand the jumbled words. It gave me chills. I quickly hung up.

I turned to my husband in a panic, “I’ve been cursed!”

He looked at me blankly. I explained what had happened. He said, “Why didn’t you hand me the phone? I would have loved to hear that!”

I looked at him aghast. “Because I did not want the whole curse to come through the phone.”

Duh!

My heart was thumping loudly in my chest.

I quickly began plotting my next move in my head.

I did what any sane person would do. I looked up , “how to deflect a curse,” on the internet.

Well, first I looked up telemarketers cursing people through the phone. However, it ended up being not the cursing I was looking for.

So, I looked up, “how to deflect a curse.”

I found a page. I began digesting the words. Yes! This is exactly what I need, I thought.

I quickly skimmed the website. It spoke of deflecting curses back to enemies. Blocking curses. Ancient prayer books.

Check. Check. Check.

60% deflection rate?!

Oh my gosh! Marvelous. I added the 60% to the fact that the curse had not actually gotten all the way through the phone in my hasty hang up. I thought surely that will get me to 100%.

I just needed the words.

I read further.

What are the words?

I started laughing.

The page I was looking at was a video game strategy page.

Not exactly what I was looking for.

But it did bring me back down to reality. Or at least, my reality.

However, just in case, does anyone know how to deflect a curse?

A curious girl not interested in solar or refinancing would like to know.

Dear Children: The Bad Apple

20131020-200617.jpg

There was once a beautiful queen. She ruled her land with kindness and care. She loved to travel the countryside and visit with her subjects.

One day while she was wandering, she came upon an apple tree. All of the apples on the tree were plump, shiny, and red. One had fallen from the tree. The queen felt a pain in her heart at seeing the lonely apple on the ground. She picked it up. In its shiny exterior, she saw herself. She was smiling. She was beautiful.

She put the apple in the pocket of her gown and made her way into the village.

The first villager who saw his beautiful queen began to smile. He ran to her. As they were conversing, the queen took the apple from her pocket and began rubbing it in her hands. It brought her comfort to hold it.

The villager turned white. “Where did you get that apple, My Queen?”

She looked at the kind man. His sweet eyes were filled with dread. “I found it on the ground a little ways back. Isn’t it lovely? I dare say, it might be the most perfect apple I have ever seen.”

The concerned villager began to shake. “Your Highness, get rid of that apple immediately! Can you not see that it is filled with poison? Look at its green tint. The edges of the core are black!”

The queen peered at the apple. All she saw was herself. She was beautiful. The apple was shiny and red.

She returned the apple to her pocket and bid the nice man, “good day.”

She mused as she wandered home that he must have been out in the sun for far too long. For this apple was perfect. There had never been one better.

She vowed to wait to eat it. She could not bear to break its perfection.

But the next day, the apple remained the same. And the next. It never withered. It never rotted. The queen marveled at her precious find. She would continue to carry it in her pocket. She continued to stare at her reflection in the smooth surface of its skin.

People wandering by her would whisper to themselves.

“Why does she keep that apple? Can she not see the blackness has traveled now to mar the entire surface? Why does she stare at it as she walks?”

Someone exclaimed, “Perhaps she thinks it is a magic mirror! Look at her, examining her face in its surface. What do you think she sees in it?”

Another villager answered, “Perhaps it is telling her she is the most fairest in the land.”

They all snickered at his joke. And went on their way.

But rumors and gossip travel. Travel faster and harder than an apple falling from a tree. Stories of the queen and her evil apple began to circulate. There was even a story derived from the villager’s joke about a magic mirror.

Years passed. The queen continued to carry the apple. The villagers continued to worry.

In this time, the queen met a man. When she showed him the apple, he lied and told her it was the most beautiful apple he had ever seen. She felt immediate relief. She had begun to question the villagers’ queries. But this lovely man had seen what she had seen. She married him right away.

His daughter stood by his side. Her apple lay in her pocket.

A month passed.

The queen walked one day to the tree where she had found the apple. The tree was still there. Its apples were still plump, shiny, and red.

She stepped into the village where she had encountered the villager long ago.

The villager saw his queen and ran to her. “Your Highness, we are so pleased to see you again. Congratulations on your marriage. What can your humble servant do for you?” He asked.

The queen looked into his smiling face. She saw shadows in his eyes. She saw blackness in his heart. She hissed as her breath escaped her. She brought the apple from her pocket and began to rub it. It always brought her comfort when she felt despair.

The villager began to tremble. “M-m-my Q-q-que-e-en… W-w-why d-d-d-do y-y-o-o-o-ou s-s-still c-carry th-th-that apple? It i-i-is evil.” He stuttered.

He began to back away. She watched him with suspicion. For she knew there was nothing wrong with her apple. She saw his hooded eyes. His hidden agendas. And she knew this villager was the thing that was evil.

She rushed home to her castle.

She began to pace her room. She stroked her apple in reassurance.

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” she said.

Her new step-daughter entered her room. She glanced at the apple the queen was caressing.

“Why do you hold that black apple?”

The queen had had enough. “This apple is not black! It is red. It is juicy. It is plump. Why must everyone harrass me about this?”

The girl looked at the queen. She began to ponder. “I will show you! That apple is rotten!”

Before the queen could react, the girl snatched the apple from the queen’s hand. She held the apple before her. And then she took a bite.

The queen gasped. How dare this girl destroy her apple!

“Look at this,”. Her step-daughter said, holding the apple out to the queen. “Do you see the darkness of its core? Can you not see the black lines twisting inside? Can you…”

The girl dropped to the floor. The queen screamed.

Her subjects rushed in. They saw the beautiful girl on the floor. They saw the evil apple with its surface now broken with a bite.

“You have poisoned her! What have you done?” They all began clamoring at once.

The queen tried to defend herself, but they were too busy trying to revive the princess.

She made her way to the apple. She picked it up. She could finally see its core. The bite the silly girl had taken had revealed it. It truly was black. There were green patches tinting its skin. She had never seen anything so ugly. She peered closer. In the still shiny surface of its skin, she saw her face. It was lined with years of distrust. Her eyes were hard and cold from the time she had spent defending this apple. Her lips were pursed and rigid.

She did not recognize herself. The woman she saw was neither beautiful nor fair. How long had she been deceiving herself? She could no longer stand to look at her reflection in its surface. She threw the apple to the ground and fled from the castle.

She ran into a field. There she encountered a farmer. He was traveling home after a long day working the lands. He had been whistling a tune and was all ready picturing kissing his lovely wife and tossling his son’s hair, when he saw the queen.

“My Lady, are you okay? Are you hurt? What can I do for you?” He kindly asked.

The queen looked at him. She did not see the kindness in his eyes. She did not hear the warmth of his words.

She saw hatred. She saw darkness. She saw blackness in his heart. She turned from the concerned man.

The farmer moved along. Intent on getting home to his family.

The queen continued to run. She continued to flee. From the rotten apple. From herself.

Where would she find kindness? Where would she ever find perfection again? Why was everyone in the world out to get her?

These are questions for another day…

For you see, my dear children. The moral of this story is clear…

Beware the bad apple.

Lest you become one yourself.

20131020-200753.jpg

* I have recently learned my children are googling my blog. Which is sweet. Very sweet. But I also want to know that they are learning something from me besides simple recipes and pretty clothing. These letters are real letters to my children. From their mother. You might not agree with my message, but please respect my sentiment.

* This story is in line with The Daily Post’s Weekly Writing Challenge. The challenge this week is a different point of view. Here we have the view of the queen in Snow White.

The Mission Project From H%!#

20130530-164707.jpg

In California, every child in the fourth grade is required to do a project on a mission. So, basically, parents all around California are elbow deep in glue and tears throughout the month of April.

I had dreaded the impending mission project for months.

My husband told me he would do the project this year. Score! It was a series of four projects. They completed the first three items quickly, but had saved the biggest project for last. This was, to build a replica of the mission assigned to the child.

They had two months to complete it. Which would have been fine, had the date not have been changed. It was originally due May 20th. This is how I found out the date had been changed:

The afternoon of May 2nd, I picked up my child from school. I noticed quite a few children leaving the grounds with elaborate mission projects in their hands. I began to grow alarmed. The dread crept from my heart and trickled down my back.

“Hey, when is your mission project due?” I asked my son.

“Oh, not until May 3rd,” he responded.

Time stood still. My voice became squeaky with terror, “That’s tomorrow.”

No response. Just big eyes staring at me from the back seat. We drove home in panicked silence.

My husband was at work and would not be getting home until long after the children’s bedtime. I was mad…

And that is all I am going to say about that. Oh, and my son was grounded…for forever.

I knew we had five hours to get some sort of mission completed. Let’s begin by holding hands and agreeing I am not good in a crisis. I found the pizza box from the night before. I began frantically ripping it apart. Oh? They had cheese and marinara tile flooring in missions? Yup, I bet you never knew that.

20130520-160644.jpg

Once I had my base, I wracked my brain for an idea. I quickly began searching the house for materials. My husband was going to build a Lego mission with my son. I immediately scrapped that idea. I only had five hours. So, I grabbed my box of Q-tips and raced to my pizza box. As I began stacking the qtips and trying to glue them together, my children gathered around me and began mocking my idea.

“Oh, my God! What are you doing? Q-tips? Really mom?” my daughter taunted.

My son, being more invested in the project, began shaking his head. “No, mom. Just No.”

I threw the Q-tips to the side. I tore the doors to my pantry open. A bright beam of light shone down from the heavens. It landed on my three boxes of graham crackers. And all was right with the world.

20130518-212834.jpg

I grabbed one box and began ripping it open. I started hot glueing two graham crackers together all over the table. I let these sit and dry. Then I picked them up and began glueing them together to make the walls. Yes! It worked perfectly…

I am lying.

The graham crackers disintegrated where the two ends met the glue. It was a gloppy sad mess…I am so mad! I have to write the company! How dare these treats meant to be eaten and digested by children not stand up to hot glue. The very idea.

20130518-212927.jpg

Then a brilliant plan formed: I could make rice krispie treats! I had just enough marshmallows for two giant batches. Those would stick together and we could roll it and cut it into shape. This might be okay. I grabbed my marshmallows from the pantry. And then gasped as large stale marshmallows flew across the kitchen floor. One of my lovely children had decided to open the bag and eat a marshmallow many weeks ago. And then left the bag open. Wasn’t that kind of them? Wasn’t that lovely? The image of the beautiful marshmallow cereal oasis dissolved in my head.

Thirty minutes had passed. My head was spinning. There was only one option left… Legos. Oh, I guess there were two. But I hate cutting cardboard more than I hated the project.

I have never built a Lego.

I have never built a Lego.

I HAVE NEVER BUILT A LEGO!

I quickly realized this after every single one of my fingernails had broken off separating all of the white legos in my son’s collection. I tried to put them together for a base and the pieces would not fit together. I pulled my knees to my chest and started sobbing. How was I going to get this done? The reality hit me that I probably wasn’t. And the failure of our parenting crushed my soul with its sorrow.

My daughter stepped in. As she does. She happens to be the only capable one in the family. And I am so grateful.

“I’ll build it with him, mom,” she said.

Actually, what she really said was, “You Idiots! I’ll build it.” She gets rather frustrated with tears.

At this point, I wasn’t going to get mad at her observation. It was true. My house looked like a chimpanzee had ran rampant. I moved over so she could start.

“I will work on this until 8:00. I have to do my homework at 8:00. If I do not have the red roof started by 7:00, then you can panic.” She told me in her matter-of-fact voice.

20130518-213011.jpg

I set off to the kitchen to make her favorite dinner. The kids worked together on that project for the next three hours. At 8:00, the roof was not on. But that was okay.

20130518-213351.jpg

20130518-213139.jpg

It was not the fanciest mission that ever was. It does not really look all that much like the real building. Most mission projects are ten times this size. He will be lucky to get a “C.” But I can honestly say no parent hands built this. It was the work of my two children. Regardless of what grade he receives, I am very proud of it. I am incredibly proud of my daughter for stepping up to the challenging situation. Her work on it was all that held this project together. It was all that held me together.

This little mission was built from tears, broken fingernails, sibling love, and pure frantic motivation. There never was one so beautiful.

And I am not speaking of the mission.