“I Know Kung Fu”

I had been sick. For weeks. My body craved wine like shoes crave brownies. Not. At. All. Well, I don’t think shoes eat brownies. Well, unless they’re Mary Janes. And the brownies are special. But I digress.

I couldn’t consume alcohol.

Let’s let that register.

And now for something more shocking.

I didn’t care.

I know.

I was sick.

But one day. One miraculous beautiful day two weeks ago, I was preparing dinner and suddenly wine seemed like a very good idea. No. It seemed like a great idea. No. It seemed like the best idea that had ever occurred to anyone.

I was a genius.

I looked at my wine supply. I said, “I looked at my wine supply.”

There was none.

Had I been robbed?

No. I guess before I got sick, I thought it was a good idea to be all polite and serve wine to my family on Christmas Eve. You know, being a good hostess and all. Don’t worry. I won’t let that happen again. Water, anyone?

I kid.

You can totally drink all of my husband’s beer that you want.

I’m super generous that way.

Being that I was in the middle of making dinner, I asked my husband to please go to the store next door and pick me up a bottle of wine. White wine.

He asked, “What kind of white wine?”

I was in high spirits. Well, I soon would be, and so I replied, “Oh. I don’t care! Surprise me!”


This is what he came back with.


Oh, wait. Here’s the front.

Yes, “Kung Fu Girl.”

Now, I don’t know if it is good or not (he brought home two bottles. I drank the other one). Heck, I’ll drink any wine. And it has a generous alcohol content (which is why he chose it, he said. We’re super snobby about our wines around here. Points? What are those? Give me percentages. Yeerrmmm).

I kind of don’t want to drink it.

It will totally defeat the purpose.

I won’t be able to greet him at the door with my, “HIYAH!”‘s anymore.

Can I tell you how much he loves that?

But I’m fast as lightning.

He finds the whole thing frightening.


* Since writing this, I have tried the wine. It actually is very good. It has a 90 point rating.
I just want to say now, “I know Kung fu… And I like it!”

15 thoughts on ““I Know Kung Fu”

  1. Hahaha! Now I want Kung Fu wine! I hope you saved the bottle, we save all the weird bottles from drinks we buy – weirdest one by far is “White Water for Men”, which we got from an ancient vending machine in Osaka. It has drawings of different types of Man going around it. Long Hair Man. Glasses Man. Cool Man. (We named them.) It was very, very white. In the end, Victor was too scared to drink it, so I had to. And it was just Calpis! (Which is a non-fizzy Japanese soft drink.) I love that you’ve been waiting around to go “HIYA!” at him, and I love the Matrix reference even more! 🙂

    • Thanks Gwen! I am glad you noticed the Matrix! Do you know my husband did not notice it. So disappointed in him. I had to actually point it out! I could not believe it!

      That White Water Man is hilarious. It actually sounds good. I probably would not have drank it either! You are much braver than me!

      I hope your day is going great!


    • Thanks Cynthia! I have another bottle on my counter. Too bad we do not live closer! I would share with you! : )



  2. Pingback: Date Night: Silver Linings | Gnome Lover

  3. Pingback: "Mom, You Smell Good!" | Gnome Lover

  4. Pingback: It's The Little Things: Summer Wine | Gnome Lover

Leave a Reply