I had been sick. For weeks. My body craved wine like shoes crave brownies. Not. At. All. Well, I don’t think shoes eat brownies. Well, unless they’re Mary Janes. And the brownies are special. But I digress.
I couldn’t consume alcohol.
Let’s let that register.
And now for something more shocking.
I didn’t care.
I was sick.
But one day. One miraculous beautiful day two weeks ago, I was preparing dinner and suddenly wine seemed like a very good idea. No. It seemed like a great idea. No. It seemed like the best idea that had ever occurred to anyone.
I was a genius.
I looked at my wine supply. I said, “I looked at my wine supply.”
There was none.
Had I been robbed?
No. I guess before I got sick, I thought it was a good idea to be all polite and serve wine to my family on Christmas Eve. You know, being a good hostess and all. Don’t worry. I won’t let that happen again. Water, anyone?
You can totally drink all of my husband’s beer that you want.
I’m super generous that way.
Being that I was in the middle of making dinner, I asked my husband to please go to the store next door and pick me up a bottle of wine. White wine.
He asked, “What kind of white wine?”
I was in high spirits. Well, I soon would be, and so I replied, “Oh. I don’t care! Surprise me!”
This is what he came back with.
Oh, wait. Here’s the front.
Yes, “Kung Fu Girl.”
Now, I don’t know if it is good or not (he brought home two bottles. I drank the other one). Heck, I’ll drink any wine. And it has a generous alcohol content (which is why he chose it, he said. We’re super snobby about our wines around here. Points? What are those? Give me percentages. Yeerrmmm).
I kind of don’t want to drink it.
It will totally defeat the purpose.
I won’t be able to greet him at the door with my, “HIYAH!”‘s anymore.
Can I tell you how much he loves that?
But I’m fast as lightning.
He finds the whole thing frightening.
* Since writing this, I have tried the wine. It actually is very good. It has a 90 point rating.
I just want to say now, “I know Kung fu… And I like it!”