The other day found me in the aisles of Target mindlessly shopping for three events I had to attend that weekend. Most of the space in my cart was being taken up by cartons of Wondra and twenty four rolls of paper towels I had found on sale. You can never have enough paper towels. Or Wondra. Or toilet paper. But that’s a story for another day.

There is an aisle in Target that is so random. So wonderful. I can’t stand how much I like this aisle. Imagine an aisle similar to Spencer’s Gifts. Or an aisle in Target created by Fred and George Weasley using Muggle items. Or if Andy had grown up and instead of collecting cowboy dolls and slinky dogs, he preferred naughty little paperclips. Well, he would find those in this aisle. It is an aisle of mischief. And it is my favorite.

So, there I was standing in that aisle, with glittering, magnificent crap items all calling my name. I wanted to give each object its due attention, but I was immediately drawn to two things.

A beautiful sky blue flask.

And a pen that was similar to a magic eight ball. You pressed it to activate the pen part and it revealed an answer at the same time.

Now, if you know me, you know that this decision was a no-brainer. Well, and also, this post was not titled, “Beautiful Flask.”

Of course I was going to go for the Predict A Pen.

But what if I told you the flask had a goldfish in the center of all of that blue?

Well, a goldfish on a flask is exactly equal to a magic eight ball pen.

In case you ever come across this scenario or were just wondering.

I decided to let fate decide.

And by this, I mean I parked my shopping cart in the middle of that magical muggle aisle of nonsense and decided to ask the Predict A Pen.

“Am I going to win the lottery?”

Okay. I know that was not the question. But if you have a pen that is giving you the answers to the future in your hand, you don’t start small. No baby steps here.

“It’s Unclear, Ask Again.”

So I did.

“If you’re lucky.”

Hmmmm. Is Predict A Pen messing with me?

I asked the question a final time.

“Not for a million dollars.”

Okay. Now I knew the mystic pen was messing with me.

I liked it.

I decided to ask it the burning question. And give new meaning to the phrase, “Ink or Swim.”

“Predict A Pen, should I buy you instead of Goldfish Flask?”

“Jenni!”

I looked up. Coming towards me was a sweet woman and her family. I had a flask with a goldfish painted on it, in one hand. And a magic eight ball pen, in another. And I was having the entire conversation above. Outloud. To myself. With inanimate objects.

I said to the approaching woman, “I’m holding a fish flask!” I like to state the obvious in an uncomfortable situation. I guess it could be worse. I could have said, “I carried a watermelon!”

I immediately set the flask back down on the shelf.

I had a sweet conversation with the woman and then I made my way to the checkout.

I was wondering to myself if that woman must think I am crazy.

I looked down at my hand and flipped it over to reveal Predict A Pen’s answer.

It said, “Without a doubt.”

And that is why I do not have a flask with a tacky tastefully decorated goldfish on it in my purse. And that is why you will find me around town talking to a small black pen in my hand. Completely sober. And that is why my children will not go out with me.

Predict A Pen has none all of the answers. He even has the appropriate response to most of my crazy observations.

Who could compete with that?. Poor Goldfish Flask never stood a chance.

It’s the little things: an inanimate object with an attitude that can perform multiple tasks. In other words, my new best friend.

“Gosh. Is there something wrong with me?”

* Predict A Pen is just a fun little novelty. It cannot really tell the future (that I know of). I feel the need to state this as not all of us are muggles. In which case, this pen would have been an incredible deal! Sorry. You will have to go to Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes for the real deal. The above link is an affiliate link. Purchasing the pen through the link provides this muggle blog a small commission.