I was at the supermarket. Where I seem to be. Every day. Because I inevitably forgot to pick up something for dinner. On this particular trip, I needed a cart. I guess I had forgotten several somethings.
It had been raining earlier, so I had slipped on my rain boots from Costco with my chunky white sweater and some skinny jeans. It was definitely not my most exciting outfit. But, again, it wasn’t the most exciting day.
As I was battling two shopping carts that were stuck together, a rugged man of medium build peered over the edge of the small dividing wall at me. He was one of those fellows that made it impossible to tell his age. Life had either been hard on him or good, depending on his circumstances. He was missing all of his back teeth. In the middle of November, he still had a healthy tan and the skin around his eyes crinkled as he grinned at me. His dirty-blonde hair, made more dirty-blonde with actual dirt, was sticking up wildly in all directions.
He smiled at me. His blue eyes twinkled. His face turned to layers of leather. He opened his mouth, and with the utmost sincerity, he said to me, “Nice boobs.”
I stopped battling the shopping carts to stare at him. I couldn’t believe he would be so bold.
Actually, I could.
But, I couldn’t believe he was talking to me. It is the sad truth that after nursing two children and growing older, there would be many women whose line that would still apply to.
Me, not being one of them.
My chance of this applying to me is further reduced by 4,896,401 just by residing in Southern California.
Let’s just say, my odds weren’t good.
So, I stood there with my mouth open in shock as all around me the real deal that this phrase would apply to grabbed their carts and went on their way. Wait! Did I just say, “Real Deal”? Cross that out. And insert, well…insertions .
“What?!” I finally managed to gasp.
He grinned wider. I feared for his face. He repeated himself, “Nice boobs!”
I looked down at my chest. Then I looked up at him. Then down at my chest. This was repeated an embarrassing amount of times. I’m quick.
“Excuse me?!” I tried to reply indignantly. But in my head, I was rejoicing in a smack-me-in-the-face-what-kind-of-liberal-woman-am-I-that-this-would-flatter-me kind of way.
“Are you gardenin’ or somethin’? Gettin’ reddy to do some plantin’? Where’d ya get dem boobs? They’re the best I’ve seen.”
I realized that this man must have a screw loose. What the heck did my boobs have to do with planting and gardening? And what did he mean, where did I get them? In an attempt to not be even more graphic or vulgar, let me just say, dem boobs I got have never been mistaken as ones that have been purchased.
And best he’s seen?!?! Where has this man been living? Were we at the same grocery store? I had seen two better examples walk by in the two minutes I had spent standing there talking to him.
I shook my head sadly at the deranged man, replied a quick, “No.” Then I grabbed my cart and made my way into the store.
As I was wandering the aisles, my mind was spinning. I kept replaying the conversation in my head. Squeak. Who the heck did he think he was talking to? Squeak. What kind of man goes around saying things like that to women? Squeak.
Ugh! I looked down at my boots. I was trying to think. They were interrupting my thoughts with their annoying squeaky rubber.
My boots!
My squeaky beautiful boots.
My boots that would be perfect for wearing…while gardenin’…and plantin’!
I felt a rush of… Oh, I don’t know what. Relief that my town was not being invaded by vulgar men. That the rugged man just had a keen fashion sense and a love for nature. Happy that I had gotten to wear my boots on a rainy day.
I definitely did not feel sad. Nope. Not at all.
I was definitely not sad to have not received an inappropriate compliment.
Not. At. All.
Squeak.
* This post was written in response to The Daily Post’s Weekly Writing Challenge. It is a 100% sad, but true account of my trip to the grocery store.
“It’s The Little Things” will run on Saturday and then resume its usual Thursday time slot next week. I needed to get this story in by Friday. Thanks for indulging me! ; )
* P.S. I shared this on The Pleated Poppy!
Oh my gosh – I am cracking up over here! What a funny misunderstanding. Love the way you wrote it too – I was right there with you the whole time – offended but flattered – confused and conflicted – and then – boom – ah ha – boots! but ya know what – your boots are great but your boobs are even better! 😉
Ha! Thanks Cynthia. ; ). I cannot believe I was so dense, especially after the third comment! Oh well. I guess I just desperately wanted it to be true. And not! Cause that would be creepy!
Have a fantastic Friday!
Jenni
What a “hoot-er” of a story. Sorry, couldn’t resist. The story IS a hoot, for real though. Cracking up here.
Thanks Brynne! That is hilarious! That line never even occurred to me! Love it!
Have a sweet weekend!
Jenni
The. Best. Story. 🙂 Thanks for making me laugh and nearly spit my coffee out so early in the morning! Have a great weekend, Jenni 🙂
Kara
Thank you so much Kara! And I am glad you didn’t waste that coffee! : ). I really appreciate the feedback !
You have a great weekend, too!
Jenni
What a funny story Jenni! Thank you for sharing it with us and making us laugh 🙂
And you look adorable in the boots and oversized sweater!
Thank you Sayaka! I am glad you liked it! And thanks for the compliment. I never know with that sweater, so I appreciate it!
Have a lovely weekend!
Jenni
Too funny. Thanks for sharing. They are pretty awesome boots, I have to admit.
FrockandHound
Thank you Liana! : ). I was so worried about how this post would be received. Thank you for alleviating my fears!
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Jenni
Thank you for giving me a great start to my day!! So funny! And yes your boots are amazing 🙂
Oh! Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it! And thanks for the compliment! : ). I appreciate it!
I hope your day and weekend are happy!
Jenni
Such a well-written and entertaining story. By the way, you look adorable in the photo and love your boots!
Thank you Angela! I appreciate that so much! And my daughter took that picture. I was nervous, but she did a good job being steady. I wish it was cool enough again to wear those boots!
Have a safe and marvelous weekend!
Jenni
Bahahaha, oh this is hilarious! SO FUNNY! I feel like I was right there & I would have reacted the same way! Thanks for sharing Jenni 🙂
Thank you Brynne! I keep imagining if he later thought of our interaction and realized what I thought he was saying to me. I mean the way I acted had to be weird to him when he was just being nice about the boots! Although I honestly do not want to know. I kind of never want to see him again! So embarrassing! : )
Have a outstanding weekend!
Jenni
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Thank you!
Jenni
That is too funny! Hey, couple of questions for you??? Thanks for answering my question about the cultivar boots over on EA! I ordered them! Did you get yours shipped from a store? I live in canada but going on vacation in a week so sending them to the hotel! How long did yours,take to ship? (if you got them sent from a store) any chance you might be posting photos soon??? Please please pretty please! 🙂 and also, wondering if youmcan comment on the pink color of the FP miles of henley dress? I have the grey and the berry color, debating whether I need pink. I own NOtHING in pink, not sure I can pull it off. I find the grey very forgiving, the berry not as much and wondering if the pink shows more,figure flaws? Anyhoo, sorry for rambling! Thanks in advance!
Hi Andrea! I ordered mine on the 8th. They got here on the 15th. So, a whole week to come. They shipped from the main warehouse. I do not plan on posting the pics for a week. But I will send you a few tonight in the email you provided. I hope that helps!
The pink color. It is a very purply color. Definitely more purple than pink. I think it is a little more forgiving than the other two. I remember being surprised when I ordered the other two that they were a little tighter. At least that was my experience. I ordered all of mine in my usual medium. The purple one was the only one I did not have to cut.
Have a great night! I will send the photos before I go to bed.
Jenni
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Thank you! : )
Jenni
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