year’s

by

I Will. I Do. I Do. I Will.

20140320-155754.jpg

I don’t know why, but I am addicted to those bridal shows on t.v. I don’t care what show it is. “Say yes to the dress” in any city, “Four Weddings,” and even sometimes, “Something Borrowed, Something New” (although I hate this show with a fierce passion. Fierce. Passion).

If it is on, my brain becomes fixated on the white flowy gowns.

Here is something funny I heard a mom say to her daughter on one of those shows when there were not enough sequins on her dress: “It needs more embezzlements.”

Yes, it does.

I bet a dress like that would take go for a lot of money.

My husband and I got married in a whirlwind of quick planning in Las Vegas. We loved every second of our wedding. First, that my mom planned it. We would never have done it otherwise. The cake was delicious (the most important part). It was quick. It was easy. I loved my dress. It was supposed to have a bow removed, because the original wedding was planned and all ready had a deposit at a different venue for July. Plenty of time to order a bowless dress.

Well, a little something unplanned happened. And my dress was not going to fit when July came. So, we quickly planned a wedding for March.

My dress arrived. With the bow. This is where the good part happens. I had gained a little weight (see unplanned occurrence above) and the zipper broke an hour before the ceremony. But the bow hid it! Providence.

I would only change one thing about my wedding. Okay two. My dad got so nervous about walking me down the aisle that we practically ran. Seriously, he still laughs about it.

Second, what my husband said during our vows. Growing up, every little girl dreams of the “I dos.” Some of them may even practice saying them in preparation for the day those two words actually get to come out of their mouths (definitely not dressed in white and definitely not involving a dog if any kind).

Here is a bit of trivia I was not privy to until my wedding day. Little boys. Well, little boys don’t think of that moment at all. I am pretty sure that until their actual wedding day, those two words never even enter their minds.

Sometimes they never do enter their minds.

Even on their wedding day.

I wish I had known that.

It was finally my our moment.

I listened to the officiant rattle off the long list of things my husband was to agree to. And then we waited for his answer.

“I will.”

I did a double take. Wait. Wha?! What happened to “I do”? This was not what was supposed to happen! My OCD flared up. Now, my answer would not match his! The officiant turned to me and began to recite the terms I was to agree to. I didn’t hear any of it. All I could think of is, what the heck am I going to say?!

Silence.

I realized it was my turn to answer. My moment.

So, I pulled a Jenni. I just repeated both things. And I added an extra one in to make up for my husband’s edited version of the words. It had to be even. You know, OCD and all of that.

This is what I said, ” I do. I will. I do.”

I think my husband realized at that moment what had happened. He had married a crazy lady. The rest of the ceremony was a blur.

A beautiful blur.

But now whenever I watch any wedding show on t.v., I wait for those two words to be spoken. Inevitably, about a third of the time, “I will,” is said.

I looked it up and the consensus is divided on which saying is correct. I guess it just depends on what sounds best to you. What your venue might prefer. What you and your dog practiced when you were little.

This just shows you that you really cannot know what is going to happen in life. Planning has never been my forte. I never thought I would be married in Las Vegas. Or that my wedding would be moved up by many months. I couldn’t predict that my husband would not choose to say the words I had rehearsed in my head for decades. But do I cherish the impulsive memories? Will I look back in fondness at the unexpected surprises?

I will.

Do you remember which words were spoken at your wedding ceremony or the last one you attended?

I do.

20140320-155829.jpg

P.S. Yesterday was my fifteenth wedding anniversary. I wrote this in honor of it. We are at this very moment in Las Vegas celebrating where it all began. I have posts scheduled every day while we are away. If I do not get to your comments today, please know I will respond A.S.A.P.! But it might not be today. : )

Thank you! : )

by

Time

20140311-135543.jpg

When I think of aging. Of age. Of the number of years in which I have opened my eyes each morning, it seems but just a brief moment. As if all my life could be catalogued before I even blink my eyes. Well, okay, not blink my eyes. But hold them closed long enough to indulge in a quick game of hide in seek. Which is what time really is after all, a game of hide and seek.

When I was a child of around four years old, I remember laying outside on a big blanket and looking up at the stars. I remember feeling weary. I remember this profound thought ran through my head. “This is my last time here. I am so tired. So old. I cannot do this again.”

That same year, it felt as though each morning I would wake up and it would feel as if all of the things that had happened the day before to me had actually happened to someone else. It was my young mind trying to grasp the definition of a memory. So, each night I would lay in my bed and I would say to myself, “Good night, Jenni. I’ll miss you. You’ll be a new Jenni in the morning.”

I can see your face.

It looks like my husband’s face when I told him my little saying. To paraphrase my husband, “that is the creepiest thing I have ever heard.”

But I think my child self had it right. We are all just made up of the memories we have made. And each day, a new one is added to the mixture in our heads. It makes sense to me that we are ever evolving. Ever changing. And each morning when we wake up, we are a slightly different person than the day before.

Time touches us all.

It is shown in the new lines on our faces. The spots on our hands. The inches added and then deducted to our height. The length of our hair.

Yes.

Four year old Jenni had it right in her very slightly neurotic view of time.

And thirty six year old Jenni has to smile at that.

Well, that, and how much fun it is to sometimes say out loud.

In the dark.

While my husband is just shutting his eyes.

“Good night Jenni. I’ll miss you. You’ll be a new Jenni in the morning.”

And maybe I’ll say it like a small child.

And maybe in a high pitched whisper.

And then I will shut my eyes and go to sleep.

Smiling.

Because I know my husband is laying in the dark. Eyes wide open.

Having the time of his life.

At least that’s what the old Jenni told me.

20140311-135611.jpg

* This post was written in response to the Daily Post’s Weekly Writing Challenge, “Golden Years.”

by

In Which I Speak Of Resolutions

20131231-213314.jpg

Happy New Year!

I celebrated with a toast of NyQuil, because I have been battling a sickness all week. Hopefully this is not how 2014 will continue. I hope your celebration involved something more exciting. Although, I love my NyQuil with a fierce love.

Last year was the first year I actually accomplished all of my resolutions. Pausing for the applause. ; )

Okay. Okay. Settle down.

Or not.

I make three resolutions every year.

Last year they were:

1. Start a blog. Check

2. Keep my weight off. Check

3. Take more pictures (Super easy after accomplishing number 1).

This year my resolutions look like this:

1. Write a book. Oy.

2. Keep my weight off (This will always be a struggle for me).

3. Complete two photo albums of my family (I always mean to and never do).

20131231-194804.jpg

I am beyond nervous about the first resolution that I have tasked myself with in the coming year. I will not give away what I will be doing, but I have two completely opposite ideas for two completely different books.

And I am nervous. I struggle daily with believing in myself enough to carry on. You should see how many things I delete because I do not want to offend anyone. But life is so very, very short.

I worry I am running out of time.

I love you guys so much. This blog made every resolution of mine possible. It has helped me keep my weight off by making me be accountable by taking outfit pics. It has allowed me to document my life more. And I have some beautiful pictures of my family to account for it. Writing this blog makes me smile every day. And I cannot imagine my life now without it.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to let my creativity fly.

Thank you! Thank you!

I am so excited about this new year.

But Enough! Enough about my goals and worries. That is for another day. Well, not really. I guess they are exactly for today. But enough.

Let’s hear about you. Let it all out. I will even clap for you.

I Promise.

What did you do last night? Did you make any resolutions? Did you do anything fun?

Please tell me you drank something better than NyQuil.