It’s The Little Things: Truly

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My children were gone for eight days. They went camping with their grandparents. I am not going to lie. It was a wonderful feeling to have a continuously clean house. Alone time with my husband. A whole house just for adults. It felt wicked. And calm. Serene. Partly empty. But still. And free.

And now the kids are back.

And with them, messes.

And more messes.

Did I mention messes?

And more food to prepare. More people to feed. More worries.

But more cuddles. And more laughter. More stirrings.

It was interesting to get a small glimpse into how my husband and I will be in a few short years when the kids are out of the house. You never know what an empty nest will feel like or the impact it will have on a marriage. It is good to know that we are fine in the silence. And in the calm. We had movie nights and even indulged in popcorn. This is rather a big deal, because popcorn has been banned from our house in the last three years of ongoing teeth braces for the children.

But it was also nice to appreciate the moments with my children now that they are back.

It made me realize how quickly that empty nest is approaching. It is something I will not be able to fly away from.

So, whilst I deal with yet another load of dishes. Another load of laundry. A random sock on the floor. And an unwanted eye roll here and there.

I know that these are the little things.

That make everything big.

I will not take them for granted. At least for a little while.

Although, I will admit that now that I have had popcorn after the long break, it is all that I am craving.

With extra butter.

I guess that will be something else to look forward to, in the long years to come.

But for now, I am enjoying the rustling.

The pitter.

And the pattering.

Of ever-growing feet.

Because, too soon those feet will have stopped growing, and will walk right out that door.

It will not feel little.

And with every pop of that long-anticipated popcorn, the cracks in my heart will pop a little, too. I now feel like despite the cracks, the structure will remain true. The house will survive. I will survive. Our marriage will survive. But I am not quite ready for that moment yet. And so I am taking each of these days, and enjoying them. With the laundry. The smiles. The dishes. The laughter. The quarrels. And the mess.

Little by little.

Dear Children: Halfway

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Today you have to go back to school after your long winter break. I just want to wring my hands and cry. I am not ready for you to go back. I have enjoyed every single moment of you being at home with me. Please don’t tell anyone this. I am afraid they will kick me out of Lazy-Mothers-R-Us. Although I was always too lazy to go to those meetings anyway (Do they even have meetings? Does the imaginary club I invented in my head carry on secret meetings? Must find this out…someday).

Halfway.

How is this school year halfway over?

The other night we spoke of homeschooling. Not seriously. I am not equipped to take on such a task. First, my knowledge is not up to par with today’s standards. Second, because I fear that we would have one hour of studying and seven hours of recess. Because that is what I am good at. This is perhaps why both of you were so gung-ho with the idea.

I asked you both what subject I would be capable of teaching and you both replied, “cooking.”

Awwww… Yes. Who needs math or english or science?

Let’s just all major in mashed potatoes.

Do they give scholarships for that?

Is it paid in potatoes or butter?

Halfway.

We are halfway through. But it means so much more than that. It means that in six months I will officially have no children in elementary school. Both of your schools will have the word “high” in them. I cannot see why, as it makes me feel so low.

And old.

Halfway.

It means that in six months, you, my daughter, will only have three years left at home with us. Three years! How am I ever going to manage this? It makes me want to hide in bed and never leave. And on some days I do just that. The idea of you leaving me is as foreign as the languages I will never homeschool you in.

Last night we gathered together backpacks and binders. Old lunches were found buried in the bottom of bags. A pleasant reminder as to why I joined Lazy-Mothers-R-Us in the first place. Inventory was taken and it seems that of the 2,587,463 pencils I purchased you at the beginning of the year, we have two left. Two! It also seems that both of your folders have been gnawed on and chewed then spit back out and mauled again. How else to explain the full lunches in both of your bags and the decrepit state of your folders? Maybe I’m not qualified to teach you cooking after all.

Halfway.

That is the status of my heart right now. Frozen between breaking in your absence and rejoicing in your return. It is in a stasis period. It seems to be the only thing not moving. For Time certainly has not stopped.

June. I try not to curse on this blog, but there never was such a bad four letter word as that one. The end of the school year. I always think of it as the end of yet another year that you will be with us. But maybe I am viewing this all wrong. It is, basically, the very beginning of a whole summer spent at home with me.

Maybe June isn’t such a bad word. In fact, maybe halfway isn’t either. Maybe this school year is halfway full instead of halfway empty. Oh, never mind, that analogy is useless with anything other than a glass.

Halfway.

Well, we are here whichever it may be. And, I, for one, am not even halfway ready for it.

Is it too late to stay home and make mashed potatoes?

I heard they taste better than binders.

And tears.

Spontaneous Summer

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We had no concrete plans this summer. The kids went camping with their grandparents. We went to Comic Con. But for the most part, we stayed home…

It turned out to be our best summer yet!

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One evening, we were out getting food when we saw flashing lights being whirled into the sky. We drove over to see what they were. It was a man selling these cool light toys, that you fling into the air, out of his car in the parking lot. We bought three and left. This was probably our best purchase of the summer! We ended up going to the park many nights and watching the lights soar in the dark.

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There is something about being at a park at night. Magical. Eerie. Dangerous? I do not know, but it was so much fun to swing in the dark.

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Bowling.

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A road trip just for pie.

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Swimming. And more swimming.

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Yummy drinks.

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Nights out with friends (pictured with Holli and Kerri).

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Lots of yummy fresh fruit. These strawberries were the best from a local fruit stand. The woman selling them told me the key to preserving your strawberries is to lay a paper towel in a large baking dish. Do not wash your strawberries! They will deteriorate faster. Place them directly on the towel in a layer. Place another paper towel. Repeat. End with a paper towel on top. Refrigerate. We bought a lot of strawberries. This worked great!

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Our summer was truly relaxing and fun (which is why some of the pics are so bad. Sorry! No good camera when we were being spontaneous). I could not have planned it better. What did you do this summer? Are you sad it is over? What was your favorite part?