Dear Children: Halfway

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Today you have to go back to school after your long winter break. I just want to wring my hands and cry. I am not ready for you to go back. I have enjoyed every single moment of you being at home with me. Please don’t tell anyone this. I am afraid they will kick me out of Lazy-Mothers-R-Us. Although I was always too lazy to go to those meetings anyway (Do they even have meetings? Does the imaginary club I invented in my head carry on secret meetings? Must find this out…someday).

Halfway.

How is this school year halfway over?

The other night we spoke of homeschooling. Not seriously. I am not equipped to take on such a task. First, my knowledge is not up to par with today’s standards. Second, because I fear that we would have one hour of studying and seven hours of recess. Because that is what I am good at. This is perhaps why both of you were so gung-ho with the idea.

I asked you both what subject I would be capable of teaching and you both replied, “cooking.”

Awwww… Yes. Who needs math or english or science?

Let’s just all major in mashed potatoes.

Do they give scholarships for that?

Is it paid in potatoes or butter?

Halfway.

We are halfway through. But it means so much more than that. It means that in six months I will officially have no children in elementary school. Both of your schools will have the word “high” in them. I cannot see why, as it makes me feel so low.

And old.

Halfway.

It means that in six months, you, my daughter, will only have three years left at home with us. Three years! How am I ever going to manage this? It makes me want to hide in bed and never leave. And on some days I do just that. The idea of you leaving me is as foreign as the languages I will never homeschool you in.

Last night we gathered together backpacks and binders. Old lunches were found buried in the bottom of bags. A pleasant reminder as to why I joined Lazy-Mothers-R-Us in the first place. Inventory was taken and it seems that of the 2,587,463 pencils I purchased you at the beginning of the year, we have two left. Two! It also seems that both of your folders have been gnawed on and chewed then spit back out and mauled again. How else to explain the full lunches in both of your bags and the decrepit state of your folders? Maybe I’m not qualified to teach you cooking after all.

Halfway.

That is the status of my heart right now. Frozen between breaking in your absence and rejoicing in your return. It is in a stasis period. It seems to be the only thing not moving. For Time certainly has not stopped.

June. I try not to curse on this blog, but there never was such a bad four letter word as that one. The end of the school year. I always think of it as the end of yet another year that you will be with us. But maybe I am viewing this all wrong. It is, basically, the very beginning of a whole summer spent at home with me.

Maybe June isn’t such a bad word. In fact, maybe halfway isn’t either. Maybe this school year is halfway full instead of halfway empty. Oh, never mind, that analogy is useless with anything other than a glass.

Halfway.

Well, we are here whichever it may be. And, I, for one, am not even halfway ready for it.

Is it too late to stay home and make mashed potatoes?

I heard they taste better than binders.

And tears.

8 thoughts on “Dear Children: Halfway

  1. Hi Jenni,
    I cried when I read your post. Time is a thief! My kids are a little younger than yours, but I often have these same thoughts and wish that time would just s..l..o..w down! (I emailed you once about when I was the “crazy lady” sobbing at the Grade 8 graduation when my child was only in Junior Kindergarten). I don’t have any words of comfort or advice, sadly, except to say that you are not alone in feeling this way. Hang in there!

    • Thanks Tara! Of course I remember that email. You are so sweet. I hope you are doing well. Being a mom is so tough. Nobody prepares you for all of the heartache. Even the back to school days are sad. Who knew? Of course, they would not have wanted to be home with me today as it was a day of errands, but I still missed them.

      Thank you so much for commenting. I really appreciate it! And I hope your week is great with no sadness!

      Jenni

  2. Oh my! I have never gotten teary eyed reading a fashion blog post. It doesn’t help that I have chick music playing on Pandora right now. I have one head strong, soon to be eight-year-old daughter, so I have enjoyed leaving the difficult younger years behind. But I know that when elementary school ends, it will be bittersweet. It’s such a great school with a lot of parental involvement and I love watching Monday morning assembly when they say the Pledge of Allegiance and sing their school song. I know for a fact that I will have a hard time when she leaves the nest.
    This is a beautiful piece and you should submit it somewhere.

    Stacey

    • Thank you so much Stacey. I like to write my children letters so they have something to read on my blog. I think all of the years have their difficulties. Teenage years, for me, have been the hardest. It is hard when they want to do their own thing and they are finally at the age where they warrant some of the freedom to do so. Aaaah! We have a great school like that, too. And it will be really hard to leave that behind.

      Thank you for your kind words. And I am sorry to have made you cry! I do love me some chick music though! Especially sad chick music! : )

      Have a wonderful Wednesday!

      Jenni

  3. My dear, sweet, amazing Friend, Jenni,

    You have done it again….you made me cry with your beautiful writing and this touching letter to your children!! I wanted to keep my boys home today as well….I LOVED every moment of our vacation time together….and it hit me like a ton of bricks the other day, at the end of this school year, I will have 1 more year with my oldest before he graduates from High School!!! 🙁 Why is it that when we are young, we so desperately want time to fly, but as we get older…..we want to hit that pause button….and make time stand still…..I completely understand how you feel……you are not alone!!!! I guess the lesson we should take from this, is to make every moment count, and that is what I plan to do!!! 🙂 Continue making those beautiful memories with your kiddos!! Love you, Friend!!!

    Love,
    Kathy 🙂

    • Oh Kathy! Only one more year! Now you are going to make me cry! But your boy is so sweet, he will be over all of the time, I am positive! How could he not with a wonderful mom like you? Heck, I want to be over all of the time, too. I do just want to hit the pause button. It is all going by way, way too fast. I cannot believe it is all ready Wednesday tomorrow. And I have not seen you in forever! I am having Kathy-withdrawals! Hopefully, I will see you soon! I miss you!

      Have fun tomorrow! Thank you so much for commenting! I love you!

      Jenni

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