This green pie is perfect for Saint Patrick’s Day. Or any other day without a saint in it. And you just want to have a creamy green pie.

As you are wont to do.

But here is where I lose you. I don’t really like nuts. I will eat peanuts. Plain. Salted. By themselves. But I do not want or like them in any of my food. I do not like the unexpected crunch and/or texture. Well, besides a Snickers bar. But Snickers is a perfection above all mundane rules.

If you are a child, like myself, keep reading for a sweet dessert using easy ingredients…

I love pistachio ice cream. And gelato. Or at least I thought I did, except my heart would sob whenever I tried a new brand of pistachio ice cream. I would lift the lid. And see… Beige?! No. No. No. I want the artificial green stuff, please. You can keep your organic, all na-tur-aaaal. Give me dye. Give me sugar.

Give me fake.

I discovered Jello’s Pistachio Instant Pudding the other day ( um, Wha..?!). Upon immediately dumping four boxes into my cart, I stood in the aisle-of-all-that-makes-life-worth-living, contemplating how many more I needed to hoard for my new collection. What if they stop making this? I just discovered it. What if because I hadn’t been purchasing it, they think nobody wants it? How could I go on? But my husband interrupted my panic by asking, “Don’t you think that’s enough?”

“Oh. For tonight? Yea, that should be plenty.” I rushed home and read the back of the package.

“Pistachio Pudding Pie.”

Let me repeat.

“Pistachio Pudding Pie.”

The most perfect three words I had ever read.

I read the list of ingredients as quickly as I could. And, miracle of miracles, I had them all.

Ingredients:

3.4 oz. package Jello Pistachio Instant Pudding
premade graham cracker crust
1 and 3/4 cup whole milk
8 oz. tub of cool whip (or similar nondairy whipped cream)

First, I strained all of the disgusting bits from the pudding. AKA nuts.

I did this three times, because I wanted my pudding as smooth as possible.

I made the pudding according to the directions on the package. Essentially it is as easy as beating the milk and pudding mix for two minutes.

I slopped it into a pre-made graham cracker pie shell.

I put it in the refrigerator and patiently waited three hours for it to set.

Huh? What? Who are we kidding? Remember, we have all ready tested my patience for food before during my chocolate pie experience. It allows for thirteen minutes. At thirteen minutes I frantically grabbed a spoon from the drawer. And I skimmed the side of the pie with it. And my thighs wept. No, wait, that sounds gross. And my soul sang. And my thighs secretly rippled with excitement. Or they just rippled, ’cause that is their way…maybe pie is an excellent not such a good idea afterall.

Then I topped it with cool whip, covered it and reluctantly placed it back into the refrigerator.

I made this again a few weeks ago and doubled the amount of pistaccio pudding. I could do this, because I finally had hoarded enough pudding to the point I felt safe using some. I did this slowly over time, when my husband wasn’t with me and have packed the boxes into our pantry hidden from any pantry raiders that might come (or my husband who might commit me). In fact, I am rich in the stuff. So, I was all, two packages? Make it rain. Only instead of making it rain green paper, I let green powder rain into a bowl. I am frivolous like that. But I really liked the doubled recipe. If you are feeling super fancy when you make this, I would double the pudding packages. If you do this, you need to increase your milk to 2 and 3/4 cups. And follow the recipe above.

Have you made this? Do you like artificial green pistachio products or the real pistachio products? There’s no judgement here. I’m just sayin’ if you want some boxes, I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a girl who can get you some. I heard that some crazy lady is buying them all, so they might be running out.

But that’s just a rumor.

I’m sure.

P.S. I shared this on Savvy Southern Style.

And My Romantic Home.