Last week, I woke up in a cold sweat. Terrified.
I had been dreaming.
In my dream, my son was four (he is ten in real life).
In diapers. I know this because in my dream I tried to change his diaper with a maxi pad.
That wasn’t the disturbing part.
In my dream, my husband and I went to a tattoo parlor. My husband didn’t get a tattoo. I didn’t get a tattoo. We let our son get a tattoo.
On his forehead.
It took up the whole space.
It was of The Hamburglar.
What could that possibly mean?
It gets worse. In my dream, we loved the Hamburglar design so much on my son’s forehead (and who wouldn’t?), that we decided to go a little further and tattoo Scooby Doo on his neck.
We are fantastic dream parents.
But Scooby Doo wasn’t enough by himself.
So we added the whole theme song across his throat.
The piece de resistance was the “Rror Rror Rror Rror” speech bubble above Scooby Doo’s head.
I think dream Jenni spent too much time in Shaggy’s van.
Then I realized what we had done and that it was permanent. And now his life was ruined. Unless in the future, Hamburglar is President and our National Anthem begins with, “Scooby Dooby Doo, Where are you?”. I panicked and sobbed and sobbed.
I woke up crying.
I tried to look up the meaning with some key words: “dream interpretation four year old tattoo Hamburglar.” Google spit back a character name from Glee at the top of my search results, “Finn Hudson.”
Thanks for nothin’ Google.
Now I will never know what my sub-conscience was trying to tell me.
Although, if I were to guess, I would imagine it would have something to do with wanting a hamburger as a snack.
I think it has
everything nothing to do with my parenting skills.
I also looked up “dream interpretation tattoo on forehead.” Some other poor soul had dreamed that they had tattooed a tattoo on their face. They asked, “What does it mean to dream you have a tattoo on your face?”
To which someone on the internet replied, “it means you shouldn’t always follow your dreams.”
Dream Jenni only has one response to that, “Rror. Rror. Rror. Rror.”