“My Crazy Obsession” is a show on TLC. I am, well, I am…obsessed.

Things I Have Learned From Watching This Show:

* You can keep a deceased rabbit frozen in your freezer and still have it stuffed ten years later.

* The average freezer will hold ten dead pets and a quart of ice cream.

* It shouldn’t.

* There are many varieties of squirrel tombstones.

* Outfits for squirrels are expensive.

* I need to learn to sew.

* You can buy an airline ticket for a mannequin. And buckle it up, on take off.

* You can be cremated and placed in an old ketchup container.

* Dolls are a big thing. A big scary thing.

* Speaking of which, a love doll can be called a virgin. This poses way too many questions in my head.

* Who knew they were called love dolls?

* People will buy these used. And call it a good deal.

* I have a very weak stomach.

* Love comes in all forms.

* You can feed your friends garbage and this will not make them happy. (Don’t worry, I all ready knew this! Just checkin’ to see if you are reading.) And yes, someone did this.

* Women in the 1950s had small feet. And small shoes.

* I would be barefoot in the 1950s.

* I would not be able to tell if someone was wearing a wig.

* A 300 pound man can sleep in a crib. Or they make cribs large enough to fit a 300 pound man. I have not done the research. Just knowing it is one of these two scenarios is enough.

* They make onesie pajamas in adult sizes. With teddy bears…And tears.

* You can own a capybara.

* You shouldn’t.

* Wedding cake lasts a long damn time in the freezer, especially with dead rabbits as companionship.

* The cameramen taping this show are made of stone.

* And they are geniuses.

* Housing regulations and child protective services must be pretty lenient.

* If you put a troll doll in the freezer (because why wouldn’t you?), it needs a scarf to keep it warm.

* This is a quote, “He wants the man cave. And I want the room for my trolls.”

* Trolls eat men. And live in caves. I do not see a problem here.

* Swimsuits are used for many things. Except swimming.

* “Stuffed” and “mounted” are funny words…

* For Taxidermy.

* A live squirrel should play in bed with you. A dead squirrel should be thrown in the kitchen sink.

* I have never spent so much time thinking about squirrels.

* Freezers should be used for everything. Except food.

* When staring at a dead giraffe in someone’s home, it is important to say the following quote, “You know, it’s just animals you only get to see on t.v….and to see them LIVE is
pretty neat.”

* Yes, “live.”

* “Get out there and start peeling, my son,” is something I hope to never say.

* Or hear again.

* Mickey Mouse makes everything better.

* And I have too much time on my hands.