“My Crazy Obsession” is a show on TLC. I am, well, I am…obsessed.
Things I Have Learned From Watching This Show:
* You can keep a deceased rabbit frozen in your freezer and still have it stuffed ten years later.
* The average freezer will hold ten dead pets and a quart of ice cream.
* It shouldn’t.
* There are many varieties of squirrel tombstones.
* Outfits for squirrels are expensive.
* I need to learn to sew.
* You can buy an airline ticket for a mannequin. And buckle it up, on take off.
* You can be cremated and placed in an old ketchup container.
* Dolls are a big thing. A big scary thing.
* Speaking of which, a love doll can be called a virgin. This poses way too many questions in my head.
* Who knew they were called love dolls?
* People will buy these used. And call it a good deal.
* I have a very weak stomach.
* Love comes in all forms.
* You can feed your friends garbage and this will not make them happy. (Don’t worry, I all ready knew this! Just checkin’ to see if you are reading.) And yes, someone did this.
* Women in the 1950s had small feet. And small shoes.
* I would be barefoot in the 1950s.
* I would not be able to tell if someone was wearing a wig.
* A 300 pound man can sleep in a crib. Or they make cribs large enough to fit a 300 pound man. I have not done the research. Just knowing it is one of these two scenarios is enough.
* They make onesie pajamas in adult sizes. With teddy bears…And tears.
* You can own a capybara.
* You shouldn’t.
* Wedding cake lasts a long damn time in the freezer, especially with dead rabbits as companionship.
* The cameramen taping this show are made of stone.
* And they are geniuses.
* Housing regulations and child protective services must be pretty lenient.
* If you put a troll doll in the freezer (because why wouldn’t you?), it needs a scarf to keep it warm.
* This is a quote, “He wants the man cave. And I want the room for my trolls.”
* Trolls eat men. And live in caves. I do not see a problem here.
* Swimsuits are used for many things. Except swimming.
* “Stuffed” and “mounted” are funny words…
* For Taxidermy.
* A live squirrel should play in bed with you. A dead squirrel should be thrown in the kitchen sink.
* I have never spent so much time thinking about squirrels.
* Freezers should be used for everything. Except food.
* When staring at a dead giraffe in someone’s home, it is important to say the following quote, “You know, it’s just animals you only get to see on t.v….and to see them LIVE is
* Yes, “live.”
* “Get out there and start peeling, my son,” is something I hope to never say.
* Or hear again.
* Mickey Mouse makes everything better.
* And I have too much time on my hands.