It was a typical Monday morning. My husband and I were lounging in bed. Kelly and Michael were chatting it up on the t.v. My coffee was all ready growing cold.

The phone rang.

I answered it.

And I heard the dreaded silence. Which I should know by now is the stalking silence of the telemarketer. But for some odd reason, I did not hang up.

And I heard a male voice. It mispronounced my name.

It made my heart drop.

I listened to the speech.

And then I kindly asked him to remove my name from his calling list.

This usually works. Legally they have to do it.

Most of the time, the phone is just hung up on their end. Sometimes there will be a huffy, “good bye.” Other times a more polite one.

I started hearing whispering from his side of the phone.

I waited.

I could not understand what I was hearing.

But then it registered.

In a rhythmic chant, the man was chanting quickly at me over and over again into the phone. I could not understand the jumbled words. It gave me chills. I quickly hung up.

I turned to my husband in a panic, “I’ve been cursed!”

He looked at me blankly. I explained what had happened. He said, “Why didn’t you hand me the phone? I would have loved to hear that!”

I looked at him aghast. “Because I did not want the whole curse to come through the phone.”

Duh!

My heart was thumping loudly in my chest.

I quickly began plotting my next move in my head.

I did what any sane person would do. I looked up , “how to deflect a curse,” on the internet.

Well, first I looked up telemarketers cursing people through the phone. However, it ended up being not the cursing I was looking for.

So, I looked up, “how to deflect a curse.”

I found a page. I began digesting the words. Yes! This is exactly what I need, I thought.

I quickly skimmed the website. It spoke of deflecting curses back to enemies. Blocking curses. Ancient prayer books.

Check. Check. Check.

60% deflection rate?!

Oh my gosh! Marvelous. I added the 60% to the fact that the curse had not actually gotten all the way through the phone in my hasty hang up. I thought surely that will get me to 100%.

I just needed the words.

I read further.

What are the words?

I started laughing.

The page I was looking at was a video game strategy page.

Not exactly what I was looking for.

But it did bring me back down to reality. Or at least, my reality.

However, just in case, does anyone know how to deflect a curse?

A curious girl not interested in solar or refinancing would like to know.