I was at Costco last week. It seems that I am always there even though I only shop there once or twice a month. I overheard the following and could not help but write it down:
“Every day when I get home I take the garbage out. But now, that is impossible. What will happen to the garbage?”
Now I want to know. What will happen to the garbage?
When my husband and I have a date night planned we will eat very inexpensive lunches together all week so that we can really splurge on our date night. It is actually fun. He makes the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We also like to eat at a certain fast food restaurant where we can get a Iarge unsweetened iced tea for a $1. I own stock in that fast food restaurant so I do not think it is appropriate to mention it here. Anyway my husband was running incredibly late for work after we stopped at the joint for lunch and I noticed after he went to work that he had left his iced tea on the night stand and I knew he would be so sad when he realized it.
In fact, an hour later he got to work and I received the following text:
Later that night he was still lamenting his loss and we had the following conversation:
“I didn’t drink my iced tea in unison,” I told him.
“You mean in solidarity,” he corrected.
“No. I mean in unison,” I stubbornly insisted.
“You can’t not do something in unison. You have to be doing something to do it in unison,” he was getting frustrated.
“I was doing something at the same time as you. Not drinking an iced tea… In unison,” I said.
“You can’t say that,” he laughed.
“I just did.”
I was in the alcohol section of the grocery store. A little girl of about four years old was skipping down the aisle behind her mother.
“Today is the funnest day!” She giggled.
“I thought you said Christmas was the funnest day,” the mom said.
“Well… every new day is fun,” the little girl said in a flabbergasted way. I wish I had that little girl’s spirit.
I was at a little grocery store. I was buying milk.
The young cashier held up the milk carton and laughed. He said, “I had a dream last night that I was craving milk. In my dream I started chugging it from the carton and it started spilling everywhere. And then I woke up.”
“Did you ever get any milk?”
“Oh yeah. I got up in the middle of the night and drank some. It was so good.”
My son said to me earlier this week, “Since there is extra small and extra large is there extra medium?”
“No,” I told him. “I never thought of that. It would be a good idea.”
“Yes. But since it could go either way there should be a small S on one side of the M and a small L on the other side and whichever it is should be in italics.” I think he might be on to something. I would love that.
I heard a preteen girl say to her father in a haughty voice, “Well then, you don’t sleep with the dead dog.”
And he did not correct her!
And now I want to know about the dead dog. And the bed.
I was at a park and I overheard a little girl say to her father, “Papa, I need you to smell something.”
He ignored her.
“Come on. I dare you. I dare you.”
Finally, he was worn down. He smelled what she was taunting him with. It was her hoodie. He looked up at her in confusion after smelling it.
She was waiting for that reaction. “Ha ha! It doesn’t smell like anything!”
I was amazed the dad actually smelled the hoodie. Any time anyone asks me to smell anything, I hold my breath and pretend to smell their item. You never know. Someone might be sleeping with their dead dog. Or not taking out the trash. Or drinking a gluttonous amount of milk. The possibilities make me shudder. Did you overhear anything good this month? Please share!
