Watching: Housebound

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Are you a fan of horror movies? Well, I am not. That is to say, I am not now. However, that was not always the case. I believe all teenagers go through a phase where they cannot get enough of fear inflicted adrenaline. I think it has to do with the fact that their brains are not fully developed and there is a part of the brain tissue that makes one aware of danger and mortality that does not become fully active until the age of nineteen (I played a doctor on t.v. once. Just kidding. I once drank coffee and watched a doctor describe this phenomenon on t.v. once. Which, if you ask me, is exactly the same thing. I wonder which part of my brain has not fully developed yet. don’t answer that).

Does “The Walking Dead” count as horror? Well, of course, you answer. But does it really count as horror when the viewer reads the entire plotline before each episode so that they may cover their eyes or leave the room well in advance of each gory scene? I am not sure. But I do watch “The Walking Dead.” Or at least most of it anyway.

What is my point?

Sorry. I tend to prattle on. My point being that I am a wimp. Being scared is, well, scary. But I watched a horror movie recently that I really enjoyed. In fact, I liked it so much that I made my husband watch it with me again the next day. I liked it so much that I decided to write a post about it.

I liked it. A lot…

My daughter and I were on a date. Don’t let her know that I just called it that. We went out to dinner where I ordered the chicken strips and she ordered the halibut. The person bringing out the food set the plates down wrong. I can’t imagine why.

My husband was at work. My son was at a sleepover (the technical term for a boy slumber party. Don’t ever call a preteen boy’s sleepover a slumber party. It is funny the things you do wrong learn as a mom). My daughter and I decided to lay in my bed and watch a scary movie together when we got home from our dinner.

I was dreading it.

But as I was flipping through the movie choices, I stumbled upon “Housebound.” I looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes where it had a rating of 96%. It is rare for a horror movie to get a rating above a 65% so I was intrigued. We read the reviews and decided to go for it.

I cannot really describe it. If I were to use two words to do so, I would say it was wonderfully absurd. I had read the reviews online calling it a horror/comedy and I could not understand what that meant. But then I watched it and it all became clear.

The synopsis is a young girl (Kylie) in New Zealand with a cruddy attitude who commits a crime and her sentence is having to be under house arrest in her mother Miriam’s home. Kylie quickly learns her mother thinks the house is haunted. And the story goes from there.

Here is why it is different from other horror movies and why it works:

1. Why do they stay in the house? You know how irksome it is screaming at the t.v. when you are watching a horror movie wondering why the heck the people just don’t leave? I mean seriously, who would stay in those houses? Nobody. Not a single sane person. I liked that “Housebound” explains from the get-go why the main character has to stay in the house. It is essentially her prison. It was a different scenario and I appreciated that the writer, Gerard Johnston, (who was also the director) treated the audience with intellectual respect.

2. The main character isn’t an idiot. How many times do we see the heroine in a horror flick be a screaming and whimpering fool? I am not saying that I would not be the same way. But it is annoying. This character is a bada** from the beginning. Kylie has an attitude but it works in a horror movie. You don’t like her but you feel like she is capable. All of the side characters are well executed (pun not intended) as well. They had a genuine depth to them that I was not expecting in a horror movie.

3. Moments. It is just a smart movie. There is a moment about a quarter of the way in to the film that is so unexpected and funny that it is now one of my favorite scenes in a movie. There is cursing and bloody scenes so please be aware that while this is a different twist on a traditional scary movie, it still has those elements. Usually horror flicks are cut and dry with horrible scripts but this has many surprising turns. The dialogue is excellent. Some of the moments are ridiculous. Some are gory. Some are scary. But I admit that I enjoyed the whole thing.

My daughter and I both gave this movie a ten out of ten. It reminded me of the eighties movies that I adored. I also love a dark comedy. I enjoyed both “Zombieland” and “Hot Fuzz” in years prior. Although neither one made me smile enough to write a post about them, like this film did.

Have you seen this movie yet? Had you heard of this movie before? Because I do not typically indulge in the horror genre, I had not even known of this movie’s existence prior to last week. Take the advice of a girl who once played saw a doctor on t.v.: Watch it!

Ruffled Dreamy Madness

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“It’s snowing!” My husband’s excited shout filled the quiet and dark house as he happily exclaimed from the kitchen. He had gotten up to do something and was surprised to see a vast white landscape of snow looking at him through our backyard window.

I grumbled something unintelligible and rolled over in bed.

This was not the first time my husband had shouted odd things in the dark. Remind me tell you about “the pipes” one day.

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Lights began to come on one by one throughout the house.

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My husband burst into our bedroom and gleefully exclaimed, “I’m going to wake up the kids!”

Before I could stop him, he bounded down the hallway. I heard him wake the kids up and tell them to quickly get dressed in warm clothes. “Quick! We have to beat the sun! It will all melt once the sun comes out!”

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On his way outside, he stopped in our bedroom again, “Why don’t you get ready and we could take some pictures for the blog?”

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I turned into my pillow. If only I could get back to my dream. I was climbing a stadium full of people. Brad Pitt had waved me up to the top. He stood up so I would see him. When I got there he looked at me in disappointment. This did not dissuade me.

I quickly grabbed his head. Not his face. Not his hand. Nope, his head. And I jerked it down towards mine. Then I kissed him. Or made him kiss me. Either way it was awful. He was dismayed. I was dismayed. This was not the way it was supposed to go.

If I could just close my eyes again, maybe I could redo that scene…

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But the lure of my family playing in the dark in the snow broke my Brad Pitt concentration.

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I sighed and sat up. Then I got ready as fast as I could. Faster than one runs up stadium steps to get to a waiting Brad Pitt. Faster than one jerks Brad Pitt’s unyielding lips to their own. Faster than the dismayed look upon a one Brad Pitt’s face can chill thy blood.

So, I got ready fast. Brad Pitt fast. Not quite Tom Cruise Mission Impossible odd-running fast, but close.

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I put on the same clothes I had worn the day before. These Mothers Jeans are my favorite. I own two pairs. I got mine on a popback in 2013, but it looks like they came out with ones without the distressing because these have the same name as the ones I purchased. They are great for girls with a wide hip to waist ratio. I am hoping to snag another pair at a great sale price one day. I am in Brad-Pitt-love with this ruffled sweatercoat that I just cannot get enough of (I think it might be sold out online but you might still be able to find one in a store if you call around). I purchased it on sale during their 25% off sale sale promotion. It is the plum color. In case you cannot tell. The pictures are a bit fuzzy… like a dream.

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What is Brad Pitt like in your dreams? Is he a seat saver? An unyielding tease? A disgruntled victim? Have you ever gotten ready in a hurry? In the dark? To take pictures in the snow?

I’m not sure I have either.

It might all have been a dream.

P.S. I shared this on The Pleated Poppy and Reasons To Dress.