I remember the first time I saw an opossum, the elusive creature dramatized in books by their climbing and playing dead skills. I imagined they were sweet and cuddly. The perfect fantasy creature. In high school, we went on a field trip to a college. I do not remember anything about the campus. The teachers. Even the name of the school escapes me. What I do remember is looking up from the bus window and spotting the creature of my dreams.

Opossum!

I always associated college with opossums after that.

Then we moved further South in Southern California. And I would see opossums everywhere…As road kill on the side of the road.

I did not see a live one until my daughter was in the first grade. There was a mother of a child in the class who thought it would be an excellent idea to bring in a wild opossum in a cage to show the six year old children. She had caught it in her backyard.

Yep.

She loved it.

So, she brings out this cage covered with a towel and sets it in the middle of twenty children. Then she excitedly pulled the towel off of the cage.

And the hissing commenced.

The creature I had built up in my head was beady eyed with sharp claws and pointy teeth. It was terrifying. I think I was more scared than the children.

The wild animal gnashed its teeth and hissed continuously.

The teacher tried to make her way to the cage as quickly as possible.

“No! Don’t put your fingers in the cage!”

“Don’t touch its tail!”

“Stop screaming!”

This was directed towards me.

The creature thrashed.

Opossum.

A liability nightmare.

The teacher quickly got the situation under control. The cage was recovered. Sent back home with its bewildered momma.

What do you mean this was a bad idea?

After that, I was terrified that we would get an opossum in our trees. I would check for rustling in the bushes. Peek behind the trash cans.

Last week it happened.

My husband saw “the biggest one I have ever seen,” in our front yard.

I blame the carrots.

Just another reason to not go outside at night. You never know what might be lurking.

If you happen to see one…

Just play dead. Turn their own little trick against them.

And then let me know how that works out for you.

In the meantime, I will be making a phone call. I think I know someone who might want a new friend.

*When doing some research to see if, indeed, while we were feeding the bunnies. With carrots. In our front yard. If perchance, we had attracted the opossum. I googled “opossum eats carrots” and found the best commentary in a forum, ever. My favorite new quote, “define mauled.”