Overheard In May 2014

May was a weird month. I kept getting bad news. And it seemed those around me were receiving bad news. And the bad news compiled into a quicksand hole of stress that I could feel myself struggling through as I tried to meander through each day.

Well, two nights ago, we had incredibly good news (about my son’s health). If you are wondering why I am sharing this in my overheard post, it is to explain the scream of jubilation you must have heard from your house.

Sorry about that. It was from my husband.

It went like this:

“Wheeeeeeewwwwww! Waaaaoooooooeeeeeewwwwww!”

This was repeated and fist pumped and jumped through the house. I told him I had never ever seen him so happy. It made the month of May close on a sweet note.

With that said, I spent much of the month at home with my son or in the doctor’s office, so I did not hear much. But what I did overhear, I will share with you:

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At The Cheesecake Factory we sat outside and to our left, was a beautiful German couple in their early twenties. They were hipster cool in an easy-not-on-purpose kind of way. They would have made the people actually trying for this look fall on their knees and rip at their hats.

They ordered a chocolate malt and a slice of cheesecake. For lunch. Or breakfast. It was eleven o’clock. Which again, was cool without trying to be cool.

I don’t think I have ever had a moment like that.

The waitress returned after a few minutes to inform them that the kitchen thought they might be out of malt. She told the couple that they might want to pick something else on the menu.

They both grinned at her and said, “This is okay. But we do not know this word, ‘malt.’ What is it? What does it mean?”

Well, the waitress was not expecting that answer. And she just kind of stood there trying to determine if she knew the answer. I don’t blame her. I am not sure what I would have said myself.

So she said, “It’s the stuff that makes a malt a malt.”

And they grinned wider.

And she hastily left, returning minutes later with cheesecake…and a chocolate malt!

“They found some malt in the kitchen,” she said.

She left the desserts on the table with obvious relief.

The couple only ate two bites of cheesecake and a few sips of the malt before they asked to take the food to go.

Then they cooly sauntered away. Both of their perfect hats faced towards a new adventure.

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I volunteered at my son’s school two weeks ago (for the first time all year. It is hard as they get older. They get bigger. I get lazier). The fifth grade was doing a colonial day reenactment. They got to pick five items to make that they would have made back in the colonial days. I was helping at the book binding booth.

It was actually quite comical to hear the different conversations around me. Here is one:

A tall fifth grade boy sweetly grabbed one of the pillows his friend had made, and rubbed it on his cheek. He put his head on the pillow that was so small it barely fit into his hand, and proclaimed in the most innocent voice, “Oh. They feel so good. I should have made this.”

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In the triage across from us (at the ER), there was a two year old who had ingested her grandparent’s prescription medicine. She screamed as they force-fed charcoal into her system. The mother sang Barney lyrics in an eerily high and enchanting voice, “I love you. You love me…” And then it randomly changed to, “Clean up. Clean up. Everybody do their share. Cle-”

The little girl left a few hours later: tired, confused, perfectly healthy. And the mother handled the whole thing with such gentle grace.

After they left, one nurse said to the other, “you have charcoal splattered all over your scrubs.”

The other nurse shrugged and said, “I don’t have another pair with me.”

To which the first nurse softly said, “Don’t worry. It really isn’t noticeable unless you are looking for it.”

And it was wrong. Oh, so wrong. But that mother’s last song began playing itself in my head.

“Cle-”

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In the hospital bed next to us at the emergency room, a fifteen year old boy had severed his big toe almost completely off. I did not ask how, but believe me, I was curious.

When he was being discharged (after they had performed the reattachment surgery), they gave him some interesting advice.

“Make sure you keep changing the diaper* on your toe. I know it is unusual, but the diapers will absorb the fluids that are draining.”

Who knew?

*I believe this is what I heard. But I could be wrong. I cannot find any information on diapers being used for wounds. So, maybe I was delirious with exhaustion or maybe it is a new thing. Please take it for what you will.

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I was at Trader Joe’s purchasing peonies and a few other staples, when I went down an aisle, and saw a mother pick up a jar of Trader Joe’s Clarified Butter and say to her daughter:

“Let me just clarify something for you. This. Is. Butter.”

I laughed. And I bought the clarified butter. I had forgotten I had wanted to try it. Making it is a pain.

How was your month of May? Did you overhear anything good?

If you missed April’s “Overheard In”, you can find it here.

Overheard In April 2014

April was a lovely little month. It was the only month since starting this feature that I did not have to omit anything. I did not overhear anything disturbing. And that is a wonderful thing.

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I was at the hair salon and a woman in her late fifties had just finished getting her hair done. She was glowing. Her hair was bouncy. And so was she.

As she was exiting the salon I stopped her and said, “You look beautiful. Your hair looks great.”

She smiled widely and reached up in wonder to touch her shiny hair. “Do you think so? I think I really love it. I haven’t done something like this in years. I have horses and I have had a long pony tail for twenty years.”

“This feels so nice.”

We wished each other a good day. Her husband pulled up to pick her up and I could see her excitement as she practically skipped to the car.

It was a nice moment to witness.

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I was at the store and a little girl of about three years old was standing next to her mother at the counter. There was a teddy bear being sold above the little girl’s head, it’s fluffy body slouched over near the mother’s arm.

The little girl pointed to the bear.

“Bear?!” She exclaimed.

“Bear!” She said again.

The man checking them out looked down at the little girl and then at the mother and said, “Ha! Does she really want a beer?”

The mother looked confused.

She asked the little girl what she wanted to which the little girl exclaimed, “bear!” She pointed to the obvious stuffed animal next to the oblivious two adults.

“Oh!” They both realized at once.

Then the mother said to the man, “She wants the bear. I’m the one who could use a beer.”

Then the mother and daughter left the store.

Bearless and Beerless.

I know how they feel.

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My husband overheard this recently:

“Would you like to be part of the lunch run?”

“No thanks. I grabbed McDonald’s while I was at Walmart buying ammunition.”

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My family and I went to Disneyland last week. It was very crowded and we took a moment to people watch. We sat on a bench and enjoyed frozen lemonade in the breezy afternoon.

I wrote down the snippets of conversations I overheard as people quickly made their way by us:

“I want bubbles!”

“I need a piece of paper.”

“LOVE! Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.”

“I don’t feel like eating a lollipop.”

“When I first met Holly, I was super, I don’t know… distracted.”

“Someone needs to go hold hands.”

“MOM! MOM!”
“What?”
“You want some banana flavored ice cream?”

“Don’t fall out.”
“Dad! Do it again!”

“It’s basically a liquid churro.”

“Ellie. Not a good choice.”

“Well, this is the happiest place on Earth,” said in the saddest voice.

“Shooting explosion!”

“She got the cricket!”
What?”
“Melanie got the cricket in our room!”

“Don’t wrap things around your neck!”

“So… He went to her room and slept.”

“The password is 55622.”

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I forgot to include this funny conversation I overheard in the bathroom between two very young intoxicated young women in Las Vegas last month.

“I’ve like never been like one of those girls who has planned their wedding since they were like five.”

“Yea. Me neither.”

“I hope it’s not going to be lame.”

“Will there be alcohol?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good!”

“I just like hope it doesn’t rain. And I need to like figure out colors.”

“But will there be an open bar?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Good.”

“I haven’t even like decided what kind of dress I want. What if I like get it too short?”

“Will you be serving booze?”

“YES!”

“Then it will be awesome.”

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We were waiting for a table at a restaurant in Disneyland. Next to us was a party of eight also waiting for a table. We were each given a pager that would light up and buzz when our table was ready. The family had never heard of this before.

“I don’t understand. You’re not going to call my name?”

“No. You have a pager. It will go off when your table is ready,”

“Okay.” The lady sat down next to her friend. They both examined the device.

They spoke amongst themselves,

“Is it going off?”

“I think so. Or maybe you’re holding it wrong.”

The friend went up to the hostess, “I think you gave her a broken thingy because nothing is happening and we’re hungry.”

The hostess looked impatient. “That is because your table is not ready yet. Your pager will go off when your table is ready.”

“But I’m hungry.”

“I understand that, but your table is not ready.”

The friend returned to sit with the other despondent woman. They both sat staring at the little black mysterious device.

Five minutes passed. They argued amongst themselves. “Does that flashing light mean the table is ready? Why couldn’t they just call our name? I think the device is broken.”

Finally, they got up, slammed the pager on the hostess counter and pronounced, “I’m not waiting anymore! This thing is broken!”

The hostess watched them walk away. Then she carefully put away eight menus.

They would have been next!

They missed some good food.

And seeing the device, “go off.”

Instead they were the ones who went off and I showed my children that being patient does pay off.

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And also that their mommy can make chili cheese fries absolutely anywhere.

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Our family was at the gas station and my husband had gone inside to purchase a bottle of water. I was watching the open glass doors to the gas station. I noticed a stocky man with tattoos trailing up his flailing arms. He was having what appeared to be a heated conversation with the gas attendant.

I knew my husband was witnessing the whole thing and I was excited to hear what was going on.

The man exited the gas station and got into a station wagon with a young blonde woman in her twenties. They did not look at each other and appeared to be upset.

When my husband got to our car, I asked him what he had happened.

He said, “that man was just going off on how he didn’t understand women. How his girlfriend had left him and then came back. Then he bought her flowers and she left. Now she came back but moved out. He doesn’t know what she is doing.”

I took all of that in and then told him I saw the happy couple drive away together.

My husband said he assumed that the man was talking to the gas station attendant because they were friends, but when the man left, the gas station attendant said to my husband, “Man. You know you have woman problems when you are telling complete strangers about them.”

My husband said, “You didn’t know that guy?”

And the gas station attendant said, “No. He just came in here and started ranting.”

I used to think hairdressers got all of the dirt. But I am now revising my theory to gas attendant. They must see and hear the craziest things!

Did you overhear anything nice or funny in April? Please share!

If you missed last month’s “Overheard In,” you can find it here.