My Husband’s Secret Part II

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A couple of months ago, I posted a story about my husband stealing borrowing-forever my daughter’s iPod. That story can be found here, and I still find it funny.

Well, folks… He was found out.

It was hilarious.

My daughter came to me immediately after reading my story a few days after it was posted.

She began pacing my bedroom and talking to herself.

“Why didn’t I notice it before?” She shrieked. My husband was at work at the time of this outburst. I got to witness it all by myself. Sometimes I wonder how I get to be so lucky.

She told me she had observed some weird things when her iPod would sync to her iPhone while she was on the iPhone’s internet. She would think:

“Why is it synced?”

“It must have gotten enough power to turn itself on.”

“Why is it looking at fantasy football?” This one makes me laugh the hardest. Just imagining her thinking that her iPod was turning on all by itself to look at Fantasy Football is one of my heart’s delights.

The questions she asked herself were actually funnier than the secret.

I dissolved into tears.

Of mirth.

Which made her angrier.

And made me laugh harder.

“How did it take me so long to figure it out???” I deduced it was probably a bad time to tell her that she hadn’t really figured it out, so much as I told her about it. Let’s keep the emphasis on the criminal and not on the snitch.

She wanted to confront him right away, but I convinced her that there was absolutely no fun in that. No glory.

Bide your time.

Let me watch.

The questioning continued:

“Was I sleeping when this happened?

How did he do it?

When did he do it?

It works for him. He seems so innocent.”

“Brawhhhhaaaaahaaaahaaahaaa!” Went my soul after each indignant pronouncement.

Seriously, I was worried. My eyes would not stop streaming from the river of amusement.

Then the realization: “HE BROKE IT! I can’t believe he dropped it!”

I tried to assure her that this was all very funny. I am not positive that she found it as comical as I did.

We came up with a plan.

“Say nothing to him today.” I told her. “He has been on guard since the post went up. Pretend you didn’t see it.”

We hatched a brilliant scheme to confront him. But we are both terrible at secrets… Unlike my husband, apparently.

My husband came home and my daughter very innocently asked him where her iPod was.

His face briefly looked scared, but he recovered. “Hmmmm. I think it is on your dresser charging. Did you look there?” Then, the master thief that he is, went and patted his pocket in reassurance. The iPod was very clearly forming an obvious rectangle of deceit through the cloth of his shirt.

“DAD!”

“I know. I know you took my iPod. I know you broke it.”

The thief had the nerve to start laughing.

This enraged the victim.

“Why? Why would you take it?”

“Because you weren’t using it. It just sat there for months and you never even picked it up. Besides, I bought you an iPhone and that is better.”

“But I have been looking for it!”

This back and forth exchange went on for a while. I grew weary of it.

Let’s skip to the end…

My daughter begrudgingly agreed that she was not using the iPod and that my husband could keep it.

This has not, however, kept it from being a source of merciless teasing from all of us whenever my husband is using the iPod or we think he is being sneaky.

“Oh? So, you didn’t take the last of the cheesecake? Is this like how you didn’t take the iPod?”

“Oh? You didn’t drop it? Is this like how you didn’t drop the secret iPod?”

Seriously, it never gets old. Just ask my husband. Actually, he is usually listening to his secret music on his secret iPod with his not so secret headphones, so he probably doesn’t hear any of it anyway. Which means he created, executed and got away with the perfect crime.

The crook is remorseless.

And oddly fond of the hot device.

The other day we were driving to the airport. We had just finished packing for our flight home. Our vacation was over. Suddenly, my husband panicked.

“I think I forgot my iPod in the hotel room! I think I left it charging!”

“You mean your secret iPod?” I couldn’t help razzing as he could finally hear me without the headphones.

He ignored me and pulled over. He began rummaging through our bags in a frenzy of anxiousness.

I tried to reassure him. “Honey. Even if you left it there, no one would want that iPod except for you.”

“I know. But we have go back and get it.”

Of course we do.

He is very attached to his criminal souvenir.

Thankfully, at that moment, he pulled the sad shattered totem from a carry-on bag and resurrected the poor item to its place of honor in his pocket.

“I found it!” He triumphantly declared.

Oh honey.

We all know that is not true…

That iPod was never lost.

It.

Was.

Stolen.

Reading: The Husband’s Secret

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My friend, Holli, had mentioned this book to me and since it was three days before I had to pick a book for our book club, I decided to research it.

It looked great. I liked the title.

Wait.

I loved the title.

It made me giggle. Seriously, my heart is usually jostled at least once a week when it breaks into a rhythm of laughter I cannot control.

Because I just posted My Husband’s Secret a few days ago. And it still makes me giggle (stay tuned for part two) every time my husband pulls out his iPod.

Moving on to the review.

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I ordered my copy from Amazon.

I usually always read the book I pick before I pick it for book club. But I was procrastinating. Actually, I was reading a fabulous fantasy series, but that would not be my book club’s cup of tea. I decided to spare them and pick a “chick lit.”

I read the book in two days. The end did make me cry. Just a bit. As all “what ifs” do. I don’t know about this book. It was a lot to process. Someone mentioned the book having ADHD in one of their reviews. That is a fair assessment.

I think I would give this book a 6.5 out of 10. It was not my favorite book (here I am being like those parents. “Now Jimmy, we don’t say we don’t like something. Just say it’s not your favorite.” Ahem). I was skeptical about this author because it seems she took every scenario in creative writing class and turned them into books. What if you got amnesia? What if you found a letter addressed to you? I do not know if I am being too critical. I never cared about any of the characters. I do not know why. She is very descriptive, but there is just an element of something missing that would have made me feel anything towards them.

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You guys are all smart human beings. I am sure, you, like me, will guess the husband’s secret just by reading the back cover. Thankfully, there is another twist. Otherwise, the book would have gotten a three out of ten from me.

The book did reinforce my terror of children running into the road. It is a real and horrible thing.

And, there is a character in the book, Felicity. She used to be “fat” but has lost weight and is now beautiful. SIGH. The way she writes about this heavier girl made me tell my husband, “this author has never been heavy.” So, yea, hated (uh-oh! Look away Jimmy!) that part.

The ending was great, in my opinion. I did enjoy the quick flash forwards into the character’s lives. That was a nice touch. It was well done and well executed.

Most of the girls in book club gave this book a nine out of ten. It gets wonderful reviews on Amazon. I was just turned off by the Felicity character, the drawn out drama, and my lack of empathy for any of the characters.

Have you read this book? What did you think? Was I too harsh?