Month: September 2014

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This Ain’t Your Mother-In-Law’s Blog

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My poor disappointed searchers.

Well, some of my disappointed searchers. The rest are quite lovely. It is just the few that are worrisome.

When you have a blog, you can see how people found your blog in your stat results on your stat page. Some of of my blog traffic comes from search engines. Seeing the search results that led people to the blog is one of the best parts about having a blog. A behind the scenes look at the internet. And the thoughts in people’s heads. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are sad. Sometimes they are scary. Oftentimes I get a chuckle.

There are the typical Hunter Boots searches. Anthropologie searches. Dear sweet people looking for gnome products. And the nice people actually looking for my blog.

But one of my top searches that leads to my blog is for “mother-in-laws in revealing outfits.” I get this one at least a couple of times a week. That is a tame one. Sometimes there are more graphic words involved. Often there are more graphic words involved. In fact, sometimes the very word “graphic” is inserted into the search. And one letter in the alphabet repeated three times for some reason. I can’t quite figure out what that means. Boop-Boop-De-doop-oop!

Anyway, who knew mother-in-laws were so hot?

The reason this becomes even more funny to me is because what I believe they end up seeing is My Beef Stroganoff Recipe. Because my mother-in-law has not revealed the whole recipe to me. Sadly for the searchers, we are both fully clothed when this happens and many feet a part. Just so ya know. The picture of me in that post is unfortunate. I was still afraid to let loose on the blog when it was taken. Do a weird little thing called…smile. But I leave the creepy picture up because I think it is funny.

I also hate revealing outfits. So, that is why it is doubly hilarious.

Poor guys. I do hope they find what they are looking for. Just not here.

I also can’t help but wonder if they make the beef stroganoff recipe…later.

In fact, the whole situation often leaves me with questions in my head. Such as: Oh, God. Please have seen my site and left. Please.

How long did you stay on my site?

Are you the one who clicked that picture of me five times?

And then I silently scream. And run around my house five times.

Then I call my mother-in-law to see if she would be interested in hosting a site with me. There seems to be a certain niche missing in a certain market. Just kidding. Seeing if you were paying attention..

What surprises me is there haven’t been any quirky gnome searches. Nobody has that fetish I guess. Poor gnomes. Mother-in-laws are just so much hotter. I can say this because I plan to be one one day. And with all honesty and with utmost sincerity, I hope the person who marries my daughter has a thing for gnomes instead.

Or beef stroganoff.

Hey. You’d be surprised.

Or would you?

If you have a blog, do you get crazy searches in your stats? I write mine down in a running list that I hope to post one day. None of them have ever compared to what The Bloggess gets each month (those posts can be found here and here). Thank God. I’ll happily take the mother-in-law lusters and naively go make some beef stroganoff… By myself… Fully clothed… And just a bit more skeptical about this internet thing.

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Denim Over All

First, I apologize for the unexpected blogging break. I expect to be back here daily as long as September can behave herself. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I appreciate it. : )

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I thought a year of overalls and I would be done with them. I have all ready worn my mustard overalls three times on this blog. And many more times in real life.

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But then, these Mih overalls I had had my eye on went 75% off during a sale and I could not resist their denim appeal (I purchased mine at Anthropologie, but they are now sold out. They run very small. I sized up to a large. Another cute overall option can be found at Anthropologie here.).

I have a flat butt.

A big ol’ flat butt (which is thankfully not as tragic as the bug ol’ flat butt I had originally typed).

And that is okay with me, except I am not sure these overalls are the most forgiving and flattering from the side or behind.

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Maybe a sparkly, colorful headband will detract from all of that (old from Anthropologie. Similar headband can be found here).

Isn’t that the rule?

Hide anything with a headband?

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How about some ruffles?

Ruffles cover up a multitude of sins.

Although, having a big ol’ flat butt is, thankfully, not a sin.

Now, a bug ol’ flat butt might be very sinful.

Or gross.

Either way, I’ll happily take what I have.

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I have the perfect solution. I will just greet everyone from the front.

Or like this.

I will not move my hands from my sides. Ever. I knew the solution would come to me.

Although now I feel itchy…

And I’ve lost the use of my arms.

But these overalls were worth it.

Now somebody call an exterminator.

Do you wear things even if they are not the most flattering from all sides? Did you buy any overalls this year? Do you ever make silly typos? I ever do.

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did you

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I wanted to do a quick outfit photo session before my husband and I went on a lunch date. We were driving to our favorite desert spot for pictures. It is easy. Secluded. Private.

But halfway there, we drove by an orange grove and some interesting graffiti was spotted on a fence surrounding some equipment.

As someone who took two college philosophy courses, I was intrigued with the message.

“did you?” That is all that it said. I admire the choice of lower case letters. It was not aggressive in its innocence. Lower case letters never are. It was simply curious.

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As a lover of the obscure, I admired the simple, but deep, question. There are many, many ways you could take the message:

Did you find the pumpkin I buried thirteen paces to the left?

Did you call the police when you saw me graffiti this sign?

Did you regret not getting on that plane to New Orleans?

Ahem.

I went for a more shallow approach, myself. This is a fashion post, after all…

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Did you…remember to smile?

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Did you…brush your hair? I’m guessing… No.

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Did you…drop something?

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Did you…get deodorant on your shirt?

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Did you…wear too long of a skirt?

Or did you…wear too short of a shoe?

Either way, just tie that baby up.

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Did you…wait for a sale price on this skirt for almost two years?

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Did you…tuck your pajama shirt into your skirt and hope no one would notice?

Did you…wear it to bed again that night?

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Did you…wear this outfit to the chiropractor’s office and then remember too late that you had not shaved your legs in over a week?

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Did you…decide to have fun despite all of those things? Well, did you?

In the words of the great philosopher, Aristotle, “Happiness depends upon ourselves.”

Or in the words of Jenni, “Yep.”

*this post was edited using Afterlife’s Crest Filter at 40%.

P.S. Sorry for the unexpected break! I will have new posts up again on a daily basis starting tomorrow! : )

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One Of Those Weeks

September and I have never gotten along. And this year is no exception. If you think it is odd to have a feud with a month, then you must not know me.

“Hi, I ‘m Jenni. I name inanimate objects. Coax my bacon into the oven. And scream at the month of September. Nice to meet you.”

It is not that I hate September. I just find September to be a whiny month. Or maybe that is just me, spurred from the noises emitting from my clenched lips. In California, September wants so badly to be a part of the summer season, it usually throws the hottest weather at us while the store front windows mock the flocks of people with mannequins smirking in their knit caps and thermals.

It would make anyone grumpy.

This week has been draining. So many things that just hurt my soul. And on the worst of the days, I came home to clean the house to find that Murphy had pooped on my couch. Not just on my couch. But on my antique Kantha throw. Thankfully it all washed out okay, but it was definitely the final straw in the breaking of my day. All this to say, I have felt very uninspired this week. Each time I went to write, all I could start were stories that I never finished. I hope your week went better than mine. But if it didn’t, I wanted to share some things that eased the hurt of the week just a little:

If you love both “The Walking Dead” and “Breaking Bad”, like I do, then you must watch this rap off on You Tube. It is fabulous. There is cursing, so if that bothers you, then do not click over. If you do not watch both shows then it probably will not make any sense.

Patrick Rothfuss wrote an inspiring blog post this week. It seems to be about Dungeons and Dragons, but it is really about realizing one’s dreams. It uplifted my spirits to read such a cool turnaround for the guy. It just shows that hard work pays off. Oh, and lots of talent. Lots and lots of talent.

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The new Domino magazine features both the talented Emily Henderson and Jenny Komenda’s homes. It is full of inspiring home decor ideas. I say this as my own house right now is beyond thrashed. I do not know how it gets so messy. I strongly suspect the gnomes. And a certain white, fluffy dog who apparently hates Kantha.

If you are old enough, I highly recommend reading it with a glass of wine, as well. Or a pint of Baskin-Robbins.

And if you have not seen this kid’s reaction to getting a new sibling in the family, you must watch it. It makes me laugh harder when I watch it with my children, because they strongly agree with that little boy.

Did I miss anything inspiring or funny this week? Please share. I love a smile.