Interpreting A Dream: The Beckhams Meet My Jelly Roll

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I know. I am aware that there are few things on Earth more boring than listening to someone else recant a dream they had. Well, maybe read about a dream someone else had. Maybe that.

But trust me.

This one was cringeworthy shareworthy.

It was disturbing amazing.

What you need to know before I tell you my tale is that before I went to bed, I watched the episode of “Friends” where Phoebe pretends to be one of Ben’s mothers to meet the singer Sting and score tickets from him. If you don’t know which episode I speak of, then cross out my earlier boring assumption. And insert: nothing is more boring than listening to someone else recant an episode of a television show that you have not seen.

You’re welcome.

So, anyway, it stands to reason that my dream starts with my new neighbor, David Beckham, giving me a tour of his newly built house. We go through the house. Ooooh. Aaahhh. We go outside. Oooooh. Ahhhhh. We scramble onto the roof. Oooh – wait…what? Yea, well, David wanted to show me his roof tiles. And if David Beckham wants to show you his roof tiles, you shimmy up that darn roof.

Then we get to the finale. The piece de la resistance.

Victoria Beckham’s closet.

First, it was about ten times the size of my real house. It was gleaming white with gold crown molding. There was a swimming pool in the middle of it flanked by four small columns (you will want to remember this detail as it comes in to play later). There were gleaming ball gowns that made me shield my eyes with their sparkle. Beautiful clothes were lined meticulously around all of the walls. It was beautiful. A separate room housed all of her jewelry. Just as David is about to show me this room, Victoria comes home.

She is wearing a black leather catsuit.

I, for some reason, am not.

She saunters over to us, and quick as that darn cat, she gets naked.

Yep.

Then she dives into the pool. She does these freaking flips like a dolphin. Back and forth she goes. She nimbly jumps out of the pool and proceeds to wildly dance on all four columns. She ends this display with a backflip and lands next to her husband.

Then she rubs her hands up and down her magnificent gleaming body and says, “My husband likes me fit. He likes me lean and hard.” She purrs and ends her display.

I stand there taking all of this in. And then I do something unthinkable. I am blushing just thinking about it.

I call her bluff.

I get naked.

Let’s let that process.

And I stand there. And, you would think, in a mind that could invent me being acquainted with David Beckham. A mind that allowed me to climb a roof without falling. A mind that could allow Victoria Beckham to jump out of the darn water like freaking Shamu, I could maybe change my real body to a dream body. You would think that.

But you would be wrong.

Oh no, there I stood naked, just as in real life, in front of the Beckhams. Right down to my stubby-haired legs.

Then I do a trick the Beckhams have never seen.

I don’t dive into the water. I don’t glide onto the pole. Oh no. Not that old trick.

I proceed to shimmy. I proceed to body roll. I shake what the Good Lord gave me. And the Good Lord gave me a lot. My tummy sloshed up and down. And my thighs did their special clapping trick. And every part of my body rippled. It was truly horrifying spectacular.

I stopped, but of course, the motion I had set into play with my dance caused certain body parts to continue swaying. You can’t stop a wave, people.

The Beckham’s eyes were saucers.

And then I say, “yea, well, my husband likes me soft. He likes me jiggly.”

The word “jiggly” was said in slow motion, almost like it was being said underwater. “Jiii-i-g-g-e-llll-eeee.”

Victoria could not handle my truth. She covered her mouth and ran to the bathroom.

I faced David alone.

He turned to me and in the sexiest whisper he says, “I can see what he means.”

My legs joined the rest of my body and turned to jello. Then I woke up.

But, okay, was that not worth sharing? Was that not the best dream ever?

Now, I’m going to go not exercise… You never know who might move in next door.

A girl’s gotta be prepared.

Keep her moves ready…

Oh, can’t a girl dream around here?

19 thoughts on “Interpreting A Dream: The Beckhams Meet My Jelly Roll

    • Thank you Rachel! I am glad you liked it. I was scared to share it. I thought it might be too much. ; )

      Have a wonderful Thursday!

      Jenni

    • Thanks Liana. It can be a curse. Last nigh was zombies and the night before these giant bugs that we called, “Clackers.” That was not fun!

      I hope tonight is more fun!

      Have a happy Thursday!

      Jenni

  1. Haha! I love your dream, Jenni. I think it shows a lot of self-acceptance and love, and it might also have something to do with all the World Cup stuff going on. 😉 I’m glad you remembered so many details, so you could tell us the full story. 🙂

    • Thank you Holli! I actually dreamed it a few months ago, but made a pact with one of my kids that I would not post it til school was out. ; ). Hopefully there is another good dream like this one coming up. I have only had nightmares lately. : (

      Have a fun Thursday!

      Jenni

  2. Interpreting dreams is always hard. I have had two dreams about a darling house in our town which I find interesting because, there were two of them.
    The best part of your dream was Victoria’s closet. I love seeing other women’s closets whether it’s in magazines or reality shows.
    Have a great day,
    Stacey

    • Thank you Stacey. I would love to dream about houses. Oh, you would have loved Victoria’s closet. It was amazing! : )

      Have a wonderful week!

      Jenni

  3. I laughed out loud for real. Great dream and story. I dream often about my car not being where I left it. Stolen or missing and I panic. I’m sure it means something.

    • Thank you so much! I am sure your dream means something. I always find dreams the most interesting. In fact, I will hopefully be having a good one soon. I am such a night owl. I like staying up late, but my body is resisting.

      Have a fabulous week!

      Jenni

    • Yes. And for weeks… And months… ; )

      Off to dreamland soon! I hope you are having your own sweet dreams!

      Jenni

  4. Aaaackkkk!!! i don’t know which is more exciting to think about – Victoria Beckham’s closet or David Beckham whispering sexily into my ear.
    (Notice how I say me and not you. Oops) 🙂
    Best dream ever.

    • I did indeed notice that. Ummmmm. He’s mine. All mine. ; ). Definitely the ear whisper. It was awesome! I hope he visits your dreams tonight. See how sharing I am. But my jello roll is all mine…

      Have a lovely Thursday!

      Jenni

  5. that is the weirdest dream ive ever heard… lol you are so funny!
    btw, I love your photo! love the blue maxi! Where is it from?? FP? you look beautiful!!!!!

  6. This is the most EPIC dream I have ever heard of!! For some reason, I could picture it all so vividly in my head, especially Victoria in her catsuit, haha. Holy crap, I literally laughed until I cried. Your dreams will NEVER be boring, Jenni! Seriously, if you have another weird one, you just have to share it, okay? Okay?! 😉

    • Thanks Gwen! I had a weird one two nights ago where an old friend overnighted me some dirty undergarments. That cannot be good, whatever that means. So, I’ll share the ones that aren’t too crazy! ; )

      Have a lovely morning (did I get that right?)!

      Jenni

    • Thanks Suzanne! If it is any consolation, I had a dream a bit ago where I was in a lobby and a perfectly normal woman bit the head off of a kitten and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary as she ate it. That one gave me chills.

      More David Beckham!

      Have happy dreams!

      Jenni

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