Dear Children: Yours

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When you are sick. I am nauseous.

When you are thirsty. I am parched.

When you are in pain. I am in agony.

When you have heart ache. My own heart breaks.

When you cry. My own eyes run rivers.

And it is not enough.

If I could but take all of your sickness. Your thirst. Your pain. Your heart ache. Your tears.

I would.

All of it.

All at once.

Not only would I take it.

I want it.

For my nutrients were once your nutrients. My blood became your blood. I once breathed air for you. The breath of life into you.

How is it then that I can not control the elements of your being?

I created you.

Yet I cannot control you.

Or the illness that strikes you. The sun that beats down on you. The movement in your body. Or the movement of another’s harsh words rolling from their tongue like a knife to your heart.

I once moved for you.

You once moved in me.

And there are no movements I can make to change the circumstances that face you.

It is every mother’s battle.

The inability to take on their children’s trials.

It is a war every mother would gladly fight.

We have polished our armor. We have sworn our oaths. Our swords belong to you, my children.

We are an army ready. Waiting. Eager.

We run our hands over your fevered brows and then those same hands tighten on our swords.

We wait for an opponent that will never face us.

Directly.

For although your life is yours, my child.

When the sickness, thirst, pain, heartache and tears come, I want it for my own.

What is mine will always be yours.

What is yours is yours.

Not mine.

Yours.

And I crumble next to you from the harsh truth of those words.

The ugliness of those five unchangeable letters.

As I search for the unsearchable. As I beg for the unattainable. As I reach for the unreachable. And I hope for the impossible.

I will wipe your brow of your heat, your eyes of your tears, your back of your worries, your mouth of your sickness, your shoulder in your pain.

I may not be able to take any of those troubles from you. But my heart. My soul.

My hands.

They are yours.

20 thoughts on “Dear Children: Yours

  1. Dear Jenni, my eyes are filled with tears. So much love and pain. My prayers are sent your way. Xo, Bridge

  2. Jenni-that is beautiful. I hope your kids DO read this. With that kind of love behind them, they can do anything. Bullie love to you too!

    • Thank you so much. They have not read it yet. My daughter was so busy today and I am waiting with my son. I laid on the floor today and got tons of bulle love. Although, Ollie always wants to back into me instead of facing me. He would rather his bottom get scratched rather than his face. This doesn’t work when I am lying down. ; )

      Have a lovely rest of the weekend!

      Jenni

  3. This is what happens. You write something so powerful and poetic that it stops me in my tracks. My nose and eyes fill up and I can’t breathe for a moment. I am speechless and don’t know how to give my experience about your words my words. So that is what happens when I say I am speechless after reading your stories. just… speechless.

    • Awww. I appreciate that. A lot. Thank you Cynthia. Usually I have to really think about a post before I publish it (except for outfit posts. Those are usually written that day). But I wrote this las night and published it, too. It was something that was pressing on my heart. Unfortunately, because of how crazy life has been lately, I have had less time to think about what will be going up. I am glad you felt what I was trying to convey to my kids. I need them to know when they read it later this week (they are always a bit behind).

      Sweet dreams!

      Jenni

    • Thanks Brynne. Me, too. But I am smiling through the day, too. Being a mom is hard.

      Hard.

      Hard.

      I hope you get a nice long relaxing weekend!

      Jenni

  4. Beautiful words Jenni – any mother can relate!

    I wish I could figure out a way to respond to comments on my blog like you have. Maybe it is not an option with Blogger…. Anyway, I did not buy anything at Anthro that day in Chicago! Shocking! But, Richard and I are going back to meet my Mom there next Saturday. Maybe I will have some good finds then. My parents live in Wisconsin, so Chicago is a good half way meeting point. Since I have been there so much, I know my way around and feel confident. I would not feel that way in any other big city I am sure.

    I just won an eBay auction for the Tutti Frutti Skirt! I got it in the army green. We’ll see if I can make it work when I get it.

    Hope you are having a great holiday weekend!

    • Thanks Heather. I think any mom would trade places with an ailing child in a heartbeat.

      Hmmm. I am unsure about the commenting thing. That is odd. I know there are some blog sites that do not let the host comment back. I have always used WordPress, so I am unsure on that note.

      I did not buy any clothes at Anthro the other day either. Just those dining things. I am trying not to add any more until I actually get rid of stuff. How fun that you get to go again next week. Lucky girl! Rachel just went to Chicago the other weekend and the food looked so, so good. I am lost in any big city. Although, I always feel at home in New York. I think it is because I got to explore it on my own for a few days when I was younger so it always felt like an adventure and not a big city.

      Yes! You got the Tutti Frutti Skirt!!! I have looked three times for you and they have not had it, so I am glad you found it elsewhere. I love that color! I cannot wait to see how you style it. The way you styled the Mia Ruffle Skirt today was awesome.

      Have a super Sunday!

      Jenni

    • Thank you so much Angela. I appreciate that. I hope my kids like it. I figure when they leave home in a couple of years, there will be many letters they can look back on and hopefully get some insight on what I was feeling raising them.

      Thank you again. Have a gorgeous rest of the weekend!

      Jenni

  5. That is a beautiful piece of writing. You need to submit it to a magazine or save it for a book. The nice thing about blogging and the internet is that it is out there for people to read. You really don’t have to be at the mercy of publishers anymore. I remember that you wrote something many blogs ago about dealing with children leaving the nest and now I want to revisit that post, it was so good.
    Thank you for sharing and have a great weekend,
    Stacey

    • Oh. Thank you so much Stacey. That was so nice of you. You truly made my day. It is nice to just be able to publish something with no rules or edits. I like to create short sentences rather than use commas, so it is nice to be able to write what feels best to me. My main thing is that my kids will read it when they are grown. I love that! : )

      Thank you again. So much. Sweet dreams.

      Jenni

    • Thank you Liana. It was building up inside and it felt good to let it out. I appreciate your sweet words. : )

      Have a marvelous week!

      Jenni

  6. Just beautiful. I read this while holding a fussy, crying baby. I wanted to respond right away, but my hands were full. I love and understand the depths of feelings that you wrote about. Beautifully written. Thanks.

    • Thank you Alicia. Fussy crying babies are hard. I hope your week has gotten better. My son went to bed at seven last night which freaked me out and then I could not sleep all night. Being a mom is hard.

      Have a wonderful Wednesday!

      Jenni

  7. Wow, just WOW! This is so beautiful and so true. Every mother can relate to this and you just put every emotion a mother has felt and ever will feel into words. Perfect words. You are so talented and amazing at writing.

    • Thank you so much Jessica. I really appreciate that. I tend to just write when I am feeling really down. It makes me feel better. I am glad you enjoyed the post. I hope my kids “get it” when they are older.

      Have a happy Sunday!

      Jenni

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